April 9th 2008

Iraq
The top US commander in Iraq, General David Petraeus, told Congress Wednesday that we haven't seen any lights at the end of the tunnel in Iraq. Actually, we can see the light from 3 to 3:30 am, the only time Iraqis have electricity available.

Starbucks
In order to reconnect with the company's customers, Starbucks gave away Wednesday its new Pike Place Roast, a fresh-brewed coffee, from 9 to 9:30 am. Unfortunately for the customers it took baristas half hour to prepare one cup of coffee.

Bush
In a recent survey historians said that only 1.8 percent of the Bush’s presidency could be classified as a success. Apparently, they took into account Bush’s vacation time.

Cheney
The secret service is expected to spend more than $4 million to protect Dick Cheney’s life for six months after the Bush administration leaves office. Cheney will be mostly surrounded with guys with defibrillators and a special CPR unit.

Unlike any other vice president in history, Dick Cheney will continue to have secret service agents assigned to him after he leaves office next year to the cost of $4 million. The agents will do anything they can to prevent Dick Cheney from ever stepping into the White House again.

Hillary
Traders in the Dublin-based Intrade prediction market are giving Hillary Clinton 12.8% chances of being the Democratic presidential nominee. Unfortunately for Hillary, they also believe Detroit is going to win the World Series.

Cemetery
Officials in Copenhagen, Denmark announced plans for a gay-only cemetery space. It’ll be the only cemetery where people are buried face down