April 16th 2008

Pope
President Bush traveled to the airport Tuesday to greet Pope Benedict XVI upon his arrival to the US. Things got a little bit awkward when the president told the holiness that he loved his eggs.

The White House will hold a birthday dinner party in honor of the Pope Wednesday evening that the holiness won’t attend. He’s lucky he’s not going, because organizers had prepared a surprise he might have found distasteful: a little kid breaking out of the cake.

A video of the arrival of the Pope shows Jenna Bush greeting the Holiness with one hand and using the other to keep the strong wind from blowing her skirt up around her waist. The Pope, on the other hand, flashed his holy briefs to everybody.

Pope Benedict XVI plans on his final day in the States to have a big Mass at the New York's Yankee Stadium on Sunday. Apparently, he needs the power of everybody’s prayers so his flight back to Rome won’t be cancelled.

Love
Pope Benedict XVI and the Dalai Lama are visiting the US with a message of peace and love to all Americans and the rest of the world. Experts still wonder is all this love and beautiful message will still be enough to prevent a blood bath between Obama and Hillary tonight at the Democratic Presidential debate.

Amnesty International
According to a study released yesterday by Amnesty International, China executed the most people of any nation in 2007. Execution experts are prognosticating a better season for 2008 with all the protesting about the Olympic Games.

According to a study released yesterday by Amnesty International, China executed the most people of any nation in 2007. When Bush heard the news he said "chop, chop, guys, let’s be number one again!"

President Bush is sending $200 million in emergency aid to help starving countries across the world. Unfortunately, the Bush administration chose American Airlines to deliver the goods.

China
China is preparing an arsenal of rockets and aircrafts to protect the Olympics opening ceremony from rain, hoping to disperse clouds the day of the ceremony. Organizers are the only ones praying for a sunny day. Protesters want a cloudy day; otherwise those rockets will be aimed at them!

Marilyn Monroe
A sex video of Marilyn Monroe kneeling in front of a man the face of whom cannot be seen on the tape was sold for 1.5 million dollars. Experts believe that judging by the size of the head in the shadow on the floor, the person in the video wasn’t JFK but his brother Ted.

Divorce
According to a recent report, married gay couples are having problems getting divorced. Apparently, when it comes to dividing their belongings, nobody wants to be the bottom and get screwed.

Toy Story 3
Disney will release "Toy Story 3" in 2009. This time, it is a horror movie because it is the story of a Chinese toy full of lead.

Garbage
Volunteers of Ocean Conservancy scoured 33,000 miles of shoreline worldwide on a single day last September and found 6 million pounds of debris from cigarette butts, food wrappers and bottles. Apparently, that was the day Rosie O’Donnell had a little picnic on the beach.