April 14th 2008

Pope
On Wednesday, there will be a formal welcoming ceremony for the Pope on the South Lawn of the White House with an attendance estimated in 12,000 guests. It wasn’t hard to get so many guests; the White House circulated a flier saying the Pope was going to be there signing the checks for the Church Abuse settlement.

President Bush and his wife, Laura, will host a White House dinner in honor of the Pope Wednesday evening that the pope won’t attend. What a party "poper!"

China
China is preparing an arsenal of rockets and aircrafts to protect the Olympics opening ceremony from rain, hoping to disperse clouds the day of the ceremony. In spite of the fact that protesters want the ceremony spoiled, they also pray for a sunny day, otherwise those rockets will be aimed at them!

Viagra
The general manager of a Shanghai chemical company was jailed for two years on Thursday for selling fake Viagra on the Internet. Hopefully, his cellmates are the same ones that bought the tablets he sold.

Hillary
During her campaign in Indiana, Hillary Clinton visited the Bronko’s Restaurant and Lounge and had some whisky and beer with the owners. No wonder she doesn’t want to quit the race; she is so drunk she probably sees double the number of delegate she has.

Hillary Clinton said that Obama was condescending and elitist for saying that poor people are bitter. Then she went back to counting the $109 million the Clintons made in the last eight years.

During her campaign in Indiana, Hillary Clinton visited the Bronko’s Restaurant and Lounge and had a shot of whisky. Later on the day, during a speech, Hillary said she had been shot by a sniper called Jack.

Fire destroyed a campaign office of presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton in western Indiana early Friday and, fortunately, nobody was injured. Well… wait until Hillary tells this story!

GE
General Electric reported a disappointing profit Friday. General Electric stocks were immediately downgraded to Cadet Electric.

Oil
35 out of 120 international oil companies have qualified to bid for future oil and gas contracts to develop one of the world's largest oil fields in Iraq. Iraqi officials told the other companies not to despair because there will be another bid pretty soon for Iranian oil fields.

Celebrities
Britney Spears triggered a minor accident on a freeway in Los Angeles' San Fernando Valley on Saturday evening, It is official; she now has more hits with her car than with her music career.

Vanilla Ice was arrested on Florida for beating up his wife. He now claims he was "under pressure."

Torch
Uruguay held the biggest barbecue in the world sizzling up 26,400 pounds of beef on Sunday. Uruguayan officials said it tasted great because they used the Olympic torch (which was traveling through Argentina) to start the fire.