September 18th 2008

Hey everybody, good news, I was published in Newsday. Thanks to Mr. Rasak and the people of Newsday for choosing one of my jokes, it feels awesome, thanks. Check it here.

http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-oppun5847314sep18,0,1609634.story

Economy
Political analysts agreed that after choosing Sarah Palin as a running mate, John McCain had this upcoming elections in the bank. Unfortunately, with the economic crisis, the bank wasn’t the most suitable place to keep the elections.

Due to the uncertain economy, the price of gold skyrocketed, making Michael Phelps the richest person in America.

According to a Reuters/Zogby poll released on Wednesday, Americans feel slightly happier than before. The survey could be wrong, though as the participants were surveyed on payday.

According to a Reuters/Zogby poll released on Wednesday, Americans feel slightly happier than before. Apparently, the survey was done among workers of funeral homes, makers of ropes and guns.

After the financial crisis, McCain wants to regulate the economy, even though he was against that in the past. I guess when you get older you become more aware of the importance of being regular.

McCain and Obama are tied in the polls. So why don't we leave them there and look for new candidates?

Palin
Sean Hannity interviewed Sarah Palin Thursday. I don’t want to say the questions were planted, but at the end of the interview, a little baby question-tree was born in the studio.

The company that makes McCain’s campaign merchandise said that they are making tons of Sarah Palin T-shirt betting on the popularity of the vice-presidential candidate. If Bush continues helping the McCain/Palin ticket, those little kids in South America and Africa are going to look so cute wearing the T-shirts.

Hackers broke into the Yahoo! e-mail account of Sarah Palin. The FBI said only technologically savvy people are capable of doing that. The first suspect: John McCain, who invented the BlackBerry.

TV
Nickelodeon will go dark for three hours on September 27 to encourage kids to go outside and play. All the other TV channels for kids will go "red, white and blue" and play the best cartoons ever, so our fat American kids won’t have to leave their couches... USA, USA!

The financial crisis is forcing banks to merge or even declare bankruptcy. That gives NBC an idea for a new TV show: “The Last Bank Standing.”

In the news
Next Spring, the University of Wisconsin will have a beer-making class. I hope that the makers of Bud and Miller light will attend the class too.

A new study shows that dogs have what’s called "contagious yawning" and when they see you yawn, they yawn too. Either that or, like you, your dog finds your wife’s chat extremely boring.

According to a new study from the MRC Dunn Human Nutrition Unit in England, instant coffee can cause men to grow man boobs. Especially if you have 20 doughnuts with each cup of coffee.

According to an upcoming documentary, Fidel Castro slept with 35,000 women. He didn’t have sex with them, just shared the bed because there are only 10 beds in all Havana.