December 1st 2008

Economy
Gun stores across the country are reporting a big increase in business. Apparently, with the economic crisis, parents are buying more guns to fire back at their kids after they tell them that they can’t afford their Christmas presents.

Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson said that the latest economic decisions have put the economy on the right track. Shouldn’t we veer a little bit to the left? We have been on the right track for the last 8 years, and the economy is wrecked.

Hollywood News
Whitney Houston denies the rumors that she is getting back with Bobby Brown. Apparently, this time she tripped and fell for real...

Anderson Cooper had the chance to swim against gold medalist Michael Phelps during the shooting of an interview. Phelps got a little upset and denied another mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to Cooper after the reporter faked drowning for the third time.

Paul McCartney is having difficulties obtaining Yoko Ono’s permission to release a Beetle’s 14-minute improvised track, which features the sound of gargled water and strangled shouts from John Lennon. How bad does the track have to be that even Yoko seems to be embarrassed by it?

Brad Pitt is starring in a movie to be released soon in which he is born old and gets younger with the passing of time. Apparently, the writer got inspired by the life of Kenny Rogers.

Bush
President George W. Bush said he'll miss the food that the White House chefs prepare for him. Apparently, Bush loves the fact that he can say that he completed a first, second, and even a third course.

President Bush says he wants history to see him as the liberator of millions. He liberated millions of Americans of the oppression of living in a confined space, like a house...

President George W. Bush said he'll miss the food that the White House chefs prepare for him, especially because he doesn’t understand why Laura only cooks pretzels for him.

Former First Lady Barbara Bush had to be treated for ulcer problems. Apparently, the idea of his son spending more time with them after he’s done as president was too much to handle.

Obama
President-elect Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle, said their young daughters will still have to do chores in the White House. They are concerned their kids could get distracted playing with all of President Bush’s toys that might still be scattered around the White House.

President-elect Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle, said their young daughters will still have to do chores in the White House, especially picking up the beer cans scattered all over the Bush twins’ room.

Studies
According to a study by Newsweek, office workers are viewing more porn at work than last year. Experts believe this could trigger more lawsuits by disgruntled ugly secretaries that are feeling ignored.

According to a new study, 64% of high school students admitted they have cheated. The other 36% are faithful to their teachers.

Palin
It was revealed this week that CNBC bought $300 in clothes for Sarah Palin when she gave an interview to the network. If that happened every time, with all the interviews Palin gave after the elections, she can probably open her own clothing store in Alaska.

In the news
There was a standoff at a bank in New Jersey between a swat team and a cardboard cutout police mistook for a robber. Still, at the end, police managed to arrest three black guys.

Uganda's police warned male bar-goers to keep their noses clean after a probe found a gang of robbers had been using women with chloroform smeared on their chests to knock their victims unconscious. The only thing most of the victims remember before passing out was going "BBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

The world's oldest woman has died at the age of 115 in Indiana. Evidently, not even surviving two great depressions and two world wars could prepare her for the shock of having a black president.