November 19th 2008

Inauguration
District and federal officials in Washington DC are preparing for as many as 4 million people for the inauguration of President-elect Barack Obama. Actually, most of the 4 million don’t care much about Obama, they just want to make sure Bush is leaving.

More than 800 buses are expected in Washington DC for the inauguration of President-elect Barack Obama. The buses won’t carry anybody; they will be there to help Bush dispose of all the compromising documents he’s got in the White House.

Hillary
Hillary Clinton was concerned that she might not get her position as a Secretary of State because her husband needs to be vetted. And then she was told that they are using the same people that vetted Sarah Palin.

Hillary Clinton has been considered as a candidate for the position of Secretary of State. Several people believe Hillary is the right candidate because like Condoleeza she has worked "a broad" several times.

Voting
In the last elections in Duval County, Florida, Jesus received 23 write-in votes, and God got only six. I think somebody is going to get crucified again...

Hobo
A homeless man has been ordered to pay $101 million for starting fires that burned thousands of acres in California two years ago. And that is approximately 5 billion cans in hobo currency.

Lesbians
According to a recent survey, 3 in 5 lesbians say they were born gay.
. . . The other 2 met some of the other three at a college bar.

. . . The other 2 met some men like me.

Cars
Detroit's Big Three automakers say that if the don’t get the bailout money, millions of people in America will be unemployed, especially those who work in the tow truck industry that relies on those cars to break often.

In a recent study, a perfect 40 out of 40 women became sexually aroused when they heard the sound of a revving Maserati engine. Gay guys can’t get aroused with the engine of a car, because the Prius doesn’t make any noise.

In the news
According to an online poll, American women are angry because they believe they are being treated unfairly in the press, in the workplace, in politics. The poll is not considered accurate because it was done on that day of the month.

According to a new study, people who are unhappy watch 30% more TV than people who are happy, apparently, because the watch the news.

An inmate was awarded $300,000 after a flesh-eating bacteria that he got in prison destroyed his “member.” Apparently, he noticed there was something wrong with it, but never dared checked it because he was using his hands to cover his butt.

Owners of TiVo digital recorders connected to the Internet will be able to order Domino pizza with a click of their remote button. The company is expected to release new remote controls that are big enough for those fatty fingers.