December 4th 2008

Economy
Auto executives showed up in Congress again Tuesday to ask for a bailout. They went too far. They dressed up as poor kids and sat on Barney Frank’s lap asking for a bailout for Christmas.

Politics
Hillary Clinton was nominated for Secretary of State on Monday. Her role will be to ease our relationship with foreign countries. Great job for someone that cannot even ease the relationship with her own husband!

Karl Rove said Tuesday that President Bush is not the worst president of the past 50 years. Bush promised that he’ll work hard this last month to not disappoint him and make it to the top.

Laura Bush said that the theme of the White House Christmas this year is Patriotism. They had another idea in mind. The theme was going to be bailout and as the tree ornaments they were going to hung the balls of the CEOs of the big three automakers.

U.S. analysts say that the odds of a nuclear terrorist attack against a major city within the next five years are very good. Unfortunately for the attackers, the odds of not finding anything to attack due the horrible economy are very good too.

Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, the younger brother of the president, said he could be running for a senate seat in 2010. In other news, Jeb Bush announced today he is now known as the Governor formally known as Jeb Bush.

Book
A 9-year-old kid from Castle Rock, Colorado wrote a book called "How to Talk to Girls”. Now you know; if you want to get a great Christmas present for Woody Allen or R Kelly this is your chance.

In the news
NASA said Monday the tools left outside the Space Station will crash to earth soon. They will probably land in Congress after the other tools that finished their mandate leave.

According to a survey, digital cameras are the most popular holiday gifts this season. Apparently, most Americans want to take pictures of their homes to have something to remember them by before they lose them to foreclosure.

A person got three years in prison for having intimate relations with a horse. Today Prince Charles wasn’t returning any calls from the media.

The bodies of nine headless men were found in a vacant lot in Tijuana over the weekend. Americans lose their heads when they go for a weekend to Tijuana.

According to a recent study, speech therapist is one the most likely professions to cause a car crash, especially if they are on their cell phones trying to understand what their clients are saying.

Animals
According to animal experts, the oldest animal on the planet is a 176-year-old tortoise named Jonathan. It was Larry King’s first year anniversary present to his first wife.

The Berlin zoo is going to get rid of Knut, the polar bear. I can help; my wife needs a new coat for winter.