December 8th 2008

Bush
George W Bush presided over the lighting of the White House Christmas tree for the last time Thursday. He wanted the biggest ceremony ever and to make this Christmas unique. Unfortunately, his dreams of having a nativity scene at the White House were shuttered because they couldn’t find any wise men or a virgin.

The unemployment rate has risen to 6.7 percent in November. It made president Bush really happy until he learned those big numbers were not his approval ratings.

Obama
According to media reports, Obama’s mother-in-law will be moving into the White House. If she’s anything like my mother-in-law, Satan won’t miss Dick Cheney.

During an interview in Meet the Press, Obama said that he won’t smoke at the White House. His mother-in-law will be sure he doesn’t smoke, and neither do any of his interns.

According to media reports, Michelle Obama’s mother will be moving into the White House to help care for Obama’s daughters. Barack has something else in mind; he wants her mother-in-law to work as the official White House food taster.

According to media reports, Obama’s mother-in-law will be moving into the White House. Knowing this, you can assume Obama will spend much less time at the White House than even president Bush.

A group of people say that if Obama has nothing to hide he should show to everybody an original of his birth certificate. Maybe Obama is just vain and doesn’t want anybody to see his real age...

More than 5 million people are expected to gather in Washington DC for Obama's inauguration. And 4,999,999 will be security personnel.

Another legal effort to force state officials to produce a copy of President-elect Barack Obama's birth certificate has been filed, this time in federal court. Apparently, some people believe Obama was born in Indonesia, which is ridiculous because we all know he was born in Jerusalem.

Gas
The average gas price in the United States fell below $1.80 a gallon Thursday. The slogan "drill baby drill" has a totally different meaning now; it means drill and dig up the Hummers and SUV’s that were buried when gas was $5.

OJ
American football star OJ Simpson was sentenced on Friday to at least 15 years in prison for breaking in a hotel room in Vegas with a gun to recover part of his memorabilia. OJ knew he was not going to win this trial because one of the memorabilia items he could not recover is the only glove that doesn’t fit.

American football star OJ Simpson was sentenced on Friday for breaking in a hotel room in Vegas with a gun to recover part of his memorabilia. The bad news is that he might to spend 9 years in jail. The good news, his memorabilia is worth a lot more money now that he was convicted.

OJ Simpson was jailed for 15 years yesterday for kidnapping and armed robbery. He got away with murder and got caught for a silly crime. What makes me think that we should vote for Phil Spector or Robert Blake for office, because after what happened to OJ, these two are going to be the most honest guys on earth; they won’t even jaywalk to avoid jail.

In the News
Thousand of churches all over the country will have their nativity scene this year, a representation of Jesus’ birth in a stable. That shows us that HMO’s sucked even back then.

According to a new study, British people are the world's most promiscuous. Numbers are going to level though, now that Madonna is spending more time in the U.S.

There’s a new social networking website, TotalPrestige.com, designed to meet only rich people. Or, if you want to meet rich people, just go to a restaurant or a bar; they are the only ones that can afford that nowadays.

According to a new survey, more than one in three teens say they're more likely to engage in promiscuous relations during the holidays, especially those who receive the visit of a hot cousin.

According to a new survey, more than one in three teens say they're more likely to engage in promiscuous relations during the holidays. No wonder it is so hard to find someone to play virgin Mary at the nativity scene in School lately.

A new study finds that older people tend to feel about 13 years younger than their chronological age. It means Larry King feels like a 120-year-old rascal then...

There’s a new breath mint flavor, Uncle Oinker's Bacon-Flavored Breath Mints. A chick magnet for Bill Clinton....