April 13th 2009

President Obama got a dog for his family. Apparently, it took more than expected because it was really hard to find a dog that has paid all its taxes.

Obama’s new pooch made the front page of the most important newspapers and magazines in the world: Le Figaro in Italy, El Pais in Spain, and 101 delicious recipes in North Korea.

President Obama got his family a dog. The Obama's joke that Barack will be the official Pooper Scooper; after all, Obama has experience; he's been picking up all the crap Bush has left.

President Barack Obama finally got a dog for the White House. It won’t be easy for the dog, the pooch will have to compete for the chance to hump Obama’s leg with Keith Olberman.

The Somali pirates demanded $2 million in exchange for the captured American Captain before he was rescued. Fortunately for Obama he didn’t follow Timothy Geithner’s advice: Give the pirates the money and then tax the pirates 90% out of it.

Capt. Richard Phillips was freed unharmed Sunday in a swift firefight that killed three of the four Somali pirates. You know other pirates are going to retaliate and before the movie about the captain’s life gets released, you’ll be able to download it for free on the internet.

Capt. Richard Phillips was freed unharmed Sunday in a thrilling and emotional rescue. Everybody in America was extremely happy, except, what was the name of the other pilot, Sully who?

The White House Easter Egg hunt took place today where children tried to find hidden eggs in the White House lawn. This year it was impossible, apparently Obama hid them next to his birth certificate.

For the first time, tickets for the Easter Egg Roll at the White House were distributed to children online. Unfortunately for organizers only 50-year-old hairy guys showed up.

A Philadelphia cable network's early morning broadcast of a Good Friday service at the Vatican abruptly changed to a 30-second "Girls Gone Wild" ad. Religious viewers agreed, it wasn’t a Good Friday, it was an Awesome Friday!

A Philadelphia cable network's early morning broadcast of a Good Friday service at the Vatican abruptly changed to a 30-second "Girls Gone Wild" ad. Ironically the guy that screwed up is going to be crucified.

President Obama flew a chef from Saint Louis to cook pizza at the White House. Obama has a special taste, he likes the pizza crispy and full of government cheese.

According to a researcher at Florida State University if you want to become a pro athlete, all you have to do is practice your sport for 10,000 hours. Or you can practice for a couple of hours and shoot steroids up your butt.

Former president Bush said that he’s written 25,000 words of his upcoming book. And so far 5 words are accepted by the Western Dictionary.

Britney Spears stopped her concert in Vancouver for thirty minutes because some people in the audience were smoking weed . Judging by the way she looks now she is mad because people smoke weed but she is the one that gets the munchies.

Honda is now selling a dog-friendly version of its Element SUV that comes with a bed for the dog and other dog accessories. So now when your home gets foreclosed you can live in the car and take your dog with you.