April 2nd 2009

Things are so bad at General Motors that today the company was downgraded to Cadet Motors.

During her visit to Buckingham Palace in London, President Obama gave the queen an I-pod. The Queen was really disappointed; apparently, she really wanted a snuggie.

President Obama was seen exchanging words with Prince Charles during a reception. Apparently, Obama wanted to know where Charles gets the extra-large Q-tips in London.

During her visit to Buckingham Palace in London, President Obama gave the queen an I-pod with videos of her, and the Queen gave Obama a silver framed photo of herself. It was weird because later on that day, the Queen gave French president Zarkozy an I-pod with her videos on it.

The federal excise tax on every pack of cigarettes in New York is now $1.01, up from 39 cents. Can the tobacco companies get a little smarter and make packs of 50 cigarettes instead of 20’s? Just saying…

A Florida woman called 911 to report that she was locked inside her own car. Fortunately for her, she was told how to open the door and Jessica Simpson didn’t miss her concert.

Chelsea Clinton is getting married this summer. And today Bill dusted off his cop uniform, grabbed a boom box and told Chelsea he’s ready to spice up her bachelorette party.

The Octomom is on the cover of the new "In Touch Weekly". Please don’t touch her weekly, or she’ll get pregnant again.

The American College of Cardiology said that watching your favorite NFL team lose in the Super Bowl could actually cause you a heart attack. You see? Is not always so bad to be a Detroit Lion’s fans…

A luggage handler flew from New York to Boston after falling asleep in the cargo hold of a JetBlue airliner. Unfortunately, he woke up in Hawaii after the airline lost track of him.

According to a neurologist at the Tabriz Medical University in Iran, you can clear up your sinuses by pleasuring yourself or by having sex. “Ndeally? sniff… sniff..?”

According to a neurologist at the Tabriz Medical University in Iran, you can clear up your sinuses by pleasuring yourself or by having sex. So next time you get caught watching porn, remember to look at your wife, sneeze and tell her you have a cold.

Researchers at the University of Westminster in England have developed a simple and convenient way of screening for STDs which involves sending a used tampon through the mail. The company said they might start testing this for free with some women… no strings attached…