March 25th 2009

President Obama gave a press conference last night that was televised by all the networks. And the teleprompter had the rebuttal an hour later.

President Obama gave a press conference last night that was televised by all the networks. I don’t want to say some of the questions from the press were dumb, but I didn’t miss Paula Abdul at all…

Former Gov. Rod Blagojevich has a new gig as a Chicago radio host. Unfortunately, if you are the tenth caller, don’t expect to get the concert tickets for free; he’ll probably charge you for them.

Former Gov. Rod Blagojevich has a new gig as a Chicago radio host. The program director probably misunderstood him, because Blagojevich never said he could spend two hours a day on the air; he said he could easily spend two hours a day on his hair.

Former Gov. Rod Blagojevich has a new gig as a Chicago radio host. Apparently, he brought in a new sponsor: Supercuts.

A state senator from Nevada named Bob Coffin proposed a bill which would tax prostitution. Who would have thought Spitzer and Charlie Sheen were going to save the economy?

A state senator from Nevada named Bob Coffin proposed a bill which would tax prostitution. It is going to be hard to find support among other senators, especially senator David Vitter.

Studies show that the income gap between white and black Americans is growing. Fortunately, Tim Geithner is working hard to close that gap by making everybody equally poor.

There's a new website called InformationAgePrayer.com which will actually recite your prayers for you for a fee. And you’ll need it if your husband finds out you spend money on this stupid website.

According to E! News, Rhianna is looking for a new mansion. The real estate agent said that Rhianna wants a home with a great view, spacious, and close to a hospital in case Chris Brown drops by.

Most Republican officials are begging Dick Cheney to stay home and avoid talking to the press. What they don’t know is that his wife is the one pushing him to leave the house; do you know how boring it is to hear Cheney plotting wars against his neighbors all the time?

Some political pundits have been critical of the pass Dick Cheney got during his interview with CNN. Larry King would have been a much better interviewer, but Cheney rejected him, not because he’s tough, but Cheney, as a vampire, can’t stay close to garlic.

There’s a new app for your cell phone, a game where you take on the roll of Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger by forcing you to make an emergency landing in the Hudson. Unfortunately, you’ll need the real Sully to avoid crashing your car if you are playing in the cell while you are driving.

A Denver man just released a new cell phone application called PMS Budd iPhone that will warn you when your girlfriend or wife is on that time of the month. Apparently, when you hear your phone beep you’d better run for your life.

A Denver man just released a new cell phone application called PMS Budd iPhone that will warn you when your girlfriend or wife is on that time of the month. My wife disliked this feature; she said it is horrible… period.

A Denver man just released a new cell phone application called PMS Budd iPhone that will warn you when your girlfriend or wife is on that time of the month, unlike the old system when you were warned by your wife throwing plates at you.

Matt Lauer flipped over his bike's handlebars, injuring himself after a deer jumped in front of him. At least we know now "Where in the World is Matt Lauer" . . . he is at the hospital.

According to legal papers, Britney Spears spent almost $3 million in lawyers last year. Apparently, there’s legal battle going on; her privates want to get emancipated.

According to a recent poll, Obama would have a 20-point lead over Sarah Palin in a hypothetical 2012 match-up. And when Palin heard about this, there was another volcano eruption in Alaska.

The last 3 digits of Bernie Madoff's prison registration number 054, produced five hundred and one lottery winning tickets in New York the Sunday after Madoff's guilty plea, up from 120 winners the previous day. Maddoff personally called every one of the winners and offered his services to triple that money.