March 18th 2009

According to a new study by the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts, the average person curses about 80 to 90 times a day… or every time someone mentions AIG or Bernie Madoff.

President Obama will appear on Jay Leno's Tonight Show Thursday while he's in Los Angeles. Since that was announced, Jay Leno has been getting tons of e-mails from Rush Limbaugh suggesting Michael Richards as a guest comedian.

President Obama will appear on Jay Leno's Tonight Show Thursday. Security will be really tight. Most of Obama’s bodyguards begged him to be the ones in charge of doing the cavity search of the hot women in the first row.

President Obama will appear on Jay Leno's Tonight Show Thursday. Security will be really tight. Hopefully the toilet in Kevin Eubanks’ green room works well when some of the CIA agents knock at his door.

According to a recent survey, 83% of parents say they read to their kids every day. Unfortunately, it is just the cell phone bill to complaint how much texting they did.

Former president Bush is visiting Canada. Today, even illegals begged Obama to send more people to the border to seal it so we don’t let Bush come back.

The New York Post published today some of the names of the AIG executives that received the salacious bonuses. The executives were mad; the only time their names should be published is on the list of the richest people in Forbes magazine.

There’s a Saint Patrick tradition that says that people are supposed to have something green on to avoid being pinched. The only ones that were not pinched yesterday were the AIG executives.

There’s a Saint Patrick tradition that says that people are supposed to have something green on to avoid being pinched. I guess Kevin Eubanks was safe thanks to what he had in his pocket.

In honor of St. Patrick's Day, President Obama dyed the White House fountains green. And they even dressed Dennis Kucinich as a leprechaun.

The outrage over the AIG decision to give big bonuses is increasing. Even Bin Laden threw a tantrum about it in his latest audio tape.

An Italian porn star went topless at the Milan stock exchange to protest the financial meltdown. Nobody paid much attention; she was as saggy as the economy.

A man found a nest of 41 snakes in his home in Colorado. Apparently, that’s where the AIG executives vacation.

"American Idol" has teamed-up with Upper Deck to produce a line of "Idol" trading cards. The most difficult one to get is the sober Paula Abdul.