March 17th 2009

According to some researchers from Germany, being stuck in traffic increases a person's heart attack risks by more than three times, especially if you are a Democrat and you're stuck in traffic listening to Rush Limbaugh.

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention says a passenger on a Northwest Airlines flight from Frankfurt, Germany, to Detroit has been diagnosed with tuberculosis. After landing in Detroit, tuberculosis is the least of the passenger's worries.

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention says a passenger on a Northwest Airlines flight from Frankfurt, Germany, to Detroit has been diagnosed with tuberculosis. Everybody was in shock; who on earth would travel from Frankfurt to Detroit?

A Houston man was arrested for drunken driving and spent the night in jail after he was pulled over following his own wedding reception. He must have caught the bouquet at the wedding because during that night in jail he became somebody’s wife.

Osama Bin Laden released a new audio tape two days after his birthday. Apparently, this time he declared a jihad to all his birthday’s guests for the crappy presents he got and for the mess they left in the cave.

Osama Bin Laden released a new audio tape two days after his birthday. Apparently, he is asking Rush Limbaugh if he wants to record a duet with him in a song called “I Hope Obama Fails”

The band KISS is currently working on a new album. They are going to call it “I wanna rock and roll until 5 PM.”

Pop star Madonna said she may adopt another child. Her boyfriend is mad; he’ll have to share all his toys.

Collectors who hold a special Topps 3D Live baseball card in front of a webcam will see a three-dimensional avatar of the player. The definitions of the players are so vivid that if you pay close attention, you can even see the syringes stuck up their butts.

Lindsay Lohan was issued a warrant Friday because the court believed Lindsay had been skipping an alcohol awareness program that was part of her probation. Which is weird because if there’s someone that seems to be aware of alcohol, that would be Lindsay Lohan.

Bristol Palin called off her engagement with her baby-daddy Levi Johnston. Apparently, she is selling her engagement ring as a package together with her promise ring.

Bristol Palin's baby-daddy, Levi Johnston, says they might get back together one day. That day will probably be the day Palin decides she’s running for office in 2012.

A German frozen food company is selling fried chicken bits under the name of "Obama fingers." And if you thought that was racists, wait until you hear about the next product the company is releasing: "Michelle watermelons".

President Barack Obama will be making his first sit-down talk show appearance on March 19th on “‘The Tonight Show with Jay Leno’. And just in case Rush Limbaugh didn’t hear it well, Obama will be with LENO, not LENIN.