March 12th 2009

Bernard Madoff, pleaded guilty Thursday. Investigators are not sure if he’s been trying to hide some assets before he goes to jail, but they are pretty sure Madoff will try to hide his ASSet as soon as he gets incarcerated.

According to a U.N. estimate, the world's population will hit 7 billion early in 2012. Or it could double if the octomom gets busy again.

According to a U.N. estimate, the world's population will hit 7 billion people early in 2012. You’ll have to work hard to beat that record Chis Brown.

There's a new cosmetic surgery procedure which uses lasers to burn away the sweat glands in your armpits. It is going to be a huge hit in America where people are tired of sweating their asses off every morning before the market numbers come up.

There's a new cosmetic surgery procedure which uses lasers to burn away the sweat glands in your armpits. Bill Clinton was the first one on the list to undergo the procedure, so he’ll finally be able to tell Hillary what he did last night.

According to Forbes, the number of billionaires in the US has diminished considerable since last year. And it is expected to disappear completely after they pay taxes.

A South Carolina man escaped injury after his tanning bed burst into flames. Apparently he set up the tanning bed to reach Mitt Romney’s color.

According to Star Magazine, Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol, broke up with her boyfriend Levi Johnston. It was good news for Sarah Palin, because after she returned all the clothes to the GOP party, she didn’t have anything to wear for the wedding.

According to a recent study in the "Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy", 78% of cheaters say their partner had no clue what they were up to. We couldn’t understand the other 22% because of the swollen lips and the lack of teeth after they were beat up by their wives.

According to political publication Roll Call, Sen. David Vitter blew a gasket last week at Washington DC's Dulles Airport after missing a flight to New Orleans. Apparently, he didn’t get to the gate in time because he wasted too much time at the restroom playing footsie with Larry Craig.

According to political publication Roll Call, Sen. David Vitter reportedly tried to board his plane after the gate had been closed, then went head-to-head with an airline employee asking if the employee knew who he was. Apparently, when the airport official said no, Vitter showed him the diapers he was wearing .

Chris Brown has officially removed his name from the list of nominees for the Kids' Choice Awards. Apparently, it would have meant a slap on Rhianna’s face and he’d rather do that