March 19th 2009

A new study shows that being obese can shorten your life. And today Obama mailed Rush Limbaugh 10 quarter pounders and 5 gallons of ice cream.

The economy is so bad, that the 5 seconds rule for when you drop food on the floor has been extended to 5 days.

Former President George W. Bush visited Canada to give his first public speech since leaving office to 2,000 guests who paid $3,100 per table. It was so difficult to accommodate 2,000 people around one table.

Former President George W. Bush said he is thinking of writing a book about the 12 toughest decisions he had to make as a president. Apparently, among those tough decisions he made as a president, Bush will include: war in Iraq, mayo or mustard in his lunch sandwich, and Nickelodeon or Disney at breakfast.

The New York Post published today some of the names of the AIG executives that received the salacious bonuses. The executives were mad; the only time their names should be published is on the list of the richest people in Forbes magazine.

Americans are demanding to know the names of the AIG executives that received big bonuses, mostly Real Estate Agents and Car Dealers, because those executives are probably now the only ones that can afford to buy something.

Some members of Congress want to tax 90% of the money AIG executives made in bonuses. It is a tough dilemma for the executives; if they pay, they lose most of the money, and if they don’t pay the taxes, they might end up in Obama’s cabinet.

AIG Executives have received death threats over the US$165 million in bonuses they received. To show how bad the company is doing, most of them purchased life insurance from State Farm.

A man found 41 snakes living beneath his home in Colorado. Oh, so that's where AIG executives vacation!

According to a new study by the National Center for Health, two in every five American babies are born to unwed mothers. The two main reasons: the NBA added more games to their schedule, and Octomom!

Scrabble's official word list now includes "zzz" defined as the sound you make when you snore. Not everybody agreed with the definition of zzz; most linguists believe zzz is the sound people make when they watch Al Gore’s speeches.