March 23rd 2009

President Obama’s visit gave the Tonight Show with Jay Leno its highest rating in the last 11 years. Sorry Kevin Eubanks, I think Jay just found a new guitarist.

President Obama’s visit gave the Tonight Show with Jay Leno its highest rating in the last 11 years. Change of plans Conan; MBC executives move Jay at 10, but they are giving this time slot to the president.

President Obama visited the Tonight Show, ESPN and 60 Minutes all in one week. I don’t want to say he’s over exposing himself, but hosting the infomercials in the middle of the night for ShamWow is too much.

Two more babies from the Octomom were secretly released from Kaiser Permanente Bellflower Medical Center on Saturday and taken to her new home. Apparently they didn’t want to take all together at the same time with their mom, because the eight of them would put a heck of a fight.

Two more babies from the Octomom were secretly released from Kaiser Permanente Bellflower Medical Center on Saturday and taken to her new home. Apparently they babies were tricked to leave the hospital by telling them they were going to be adopted by Angelina Jolie.

A group of people organized a bus tour around the AIG Executives’ Houses. The bus was packed, mostly from politicians in search of some money from the executives to fund their future political campaigns.

After the threats some people received at AIG, their corporate security department told employees in a memo to avoid public conversations involving AIG so as not to be recognized. Unfortunately, that gives them away immediately, because if you are not talking about AIG nowadays, you have to be from AIG.

After the threats some people received at AIG, their corporate security department told employees in a memo to keep a low profile so as not to be recognized. So they’d better stop driving their Ferraris, lighting cigars with hundred dollar bills, and cleaning up their dogs poo off the streets and putting it in a LV bag because that doesn’t help.

According to a recent survey in "Women's Health" magazine nearly three in four men say it's a turn-on when their date pays all or half of the check. Unfortunately, they will have to take care of themselves, because if a woman is paying dinner you can be sure you are not getting any that night.

More than 100 school districts are considering starting their school classes running from 11:00 a.m. until 5:00 p.m. because experts believe students will perform better. Besides, it gives them some extra time to frolic in bed with their teachers.

Madonna just fired her Aussie nanny. Apparently she now thinks that her boyfriend is already old enough to take care of himself.

Madonna and her boyfriend had a fight over his cell phone use and now Madonna only lets him answer the mobile when she’s around, but only in emergencies. What does she think he is? a kid?? Oh, wait…

A woman in Aliso Viejo, California started throwing dog poop when people asked her to stop giving her dog an enema at the mall. I know you don’t want your dog to poo on the carpet, but an enema at the mall? Isn’t that too much?

Tyra Banks announced plans to hold more "Top Model" auditions after last weekend's New York stampede. She should have gotten arrested, but she is another case of a Bank that got a bail out.

A supermarket saleswoman found 60 pounds of cocaine while unpacking boxes of bananas in southern Germany. Bananas and 60 lbs of cocaine… Or as Amy Winehouse calls it: Breakfast of Champions!

A supermarket saleswoman found 60 pounds of cocaine while unpacking boxes of bananas in southern Germany. You see… too much cocaine makes you go bananas.

President Obama invited some Special Olympians at the White House to apologize for the comments he made on the Tonight Show. Security requested the Special Olympians to wear a distinguishable outfit so Obama wouldn’t mistake them from some of his cabinet members.

Bernie Maddof’s wife left her East Side penthouse Thursday night for the first time and tried to go shopping unnoticed. She was wearing cheap clothes, and had no expensive jewelry on. It didn’t work; reporters immediately realized it was her because she was the only on with money to fill up the cart at the grocery store.

Bernie Maddof’s wife had left her East Side penthouse Thursday night for the first time to buy some American cheese when reporters caught her at a grocery store. She could have asked for cheese from some of the investors her husband scammed, because they probably have some government cheese after they lost all their money.