March 31st 2009

A New York woman was injured when a turkey vulture crashed into her minivan's windshield. Birds are not going to stop until they find Sully again…

George W. Bush will throw out the first pitch on opening day for the Texas Rangers.
Wouldn’t it be really funny if he does it with a shoe?

George W. Bush will throw out the first pitch on opening day for the Texas Rangers. Apparently, now that Bush is not president, he doesn’t have more important places to be booed at.

President Barack Obama announced that the government will back new car warranties issued by both GM and Chrysler. Unfortunately he finished the speech by saying “April’s Fool…”

"Monsters vs. Aliens" topped the box office with a $58.2 million take over the weekend. Apparently, Lou Dobbs plays the role of a monster chasing illegal aliens…

Two men caught a toddler that fell out of a third-story window in Boston. And Congress today decided to check them for steroids. According to a recent study, one-third of Detroit is now completely vacant, and the other two-thirds occupied by abandoned cars.

According to a recent survey, two in three teens don't feel like they know enough about sex. Fortunately for them, there are tons of people in Myspace that are willing to teach them.

The federal government has set up a website for those who feel depressed about the economy. it is just a bunch videos that show you how people in really poor country live.

The federal government has set up a website with "useful" tips for dealing with economy-related depression, like: don’t listen to Rush Limbaugh, don’t listen to Rush Limbaugh, and don’t listen to Rush Limbaugh.

President Obama said yesterday that if you buy a car from Chrysler or GM you’ll be able to get your car serviced and repaired just like always… But wasn’t that the reason the companies collapsed in the first place?

The D.C. public school chancellor has introduced a more stringent uniform policy that bans, among other things, accessories with protruding metal spikes for students. Apparently, some teachers were tired of looking like they had had sex with porcupines after recess.

A Connecticut middle school has banned all touching between students. Apparently, teachers don’t want any kind of competition…

There’s a Ghosbuster III movie in the making and it was confirmed today it will have the original main actors from the previous two movies: Ramis, Dan Aykroyd, Bill Murray and Ernie Hudson. I don’t want imply they are old, but this time they are going to play the ghosts.