March 30th 2009

Vince Shlomi, the guy that does the ShamWow commercials, was arrested last month for a fight he had with a prostitute. Fortunately for him, the guy from the Oxyclean commercials offered himself to clean up the mess.

Vince Shlomi, the guy that does the ShamWow commercials, was arrested last month for a fight he had with a prostitute. Maybe he should have tried to wipe the crime scene with ShamWow.

Vince Shlomi, the guy that does the ShamWow commercials, was arrested last month for a fight he had with a prostitute after she bit his tongue. Apparently, he wouldn’t stop talking about the stupid ShamWow.

Vince Shlomi, the guy that does the ShamWow commercials, was arrested last month for a fight he had with a prostitute. Wow, what a sham!

A 90-year-old man from Seattle is getting his pilot's license. And today all of the birds in the area surrendered.

A 90-year-old man from Seattle is getting his pilot's license. It will be easy to recognize him; he’ll be the only pilot going 20 MPH with the turn signal on.

Today Oakdale's annual Testicle Festival took place and Rotary Club volunteers fried up 400 pounds of the private parts of bulls. Everyone had a ball, except for the bulls…

CNN ratings have dropped considerably moving for the first time behind Fox News and MSNBC. Ratings are so low that Anderson Cooper 360 changed to Anderson Cooper 180.

Octomom is concerned because most her sponsors are pulling out. And probably so will be every men in her life from now on.

The National Enquirer reports that the Octomom did some pole dancing before she had 14 kids. Apparently, she didn’t do it for the money; she was jus walking around with a tube collecting samples from the clients…

Michelle Obama is planting a vegetable garden in the White House lawn. What a difference with the Clinton’s administration, when the hoes where not in the garden, but inside the Oval Office.

During her visit to Mexico to discuss the problems with the drug cartels, Hillary told the president of Mexico that the US is to blame for the problem as well because of its insatiable appetite for drugs. And after hearing that Rush Limbaugh elbowed Michael Phelps… “I think they are talking about us…”

Former Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick is shopping around a book about his life and crimes. Apparently, its tentative name is: Slam Dogs Millionaire…

A terrorist aligned with the Taliban, who was on his way to commit a suicide bombing, stopped by to say good bye to his terrorists friends when accidentally his bomb detonated killing all of his friends. The worst part is that now they will have to share the 72 virgins among all the friends.

A terrorist aligned with the Taliban, who was on his way to commit a suicide bombing, stopped by to say good bye to his terrorists friends when accidentally his bomb detonated killing all of his friends. No question… that last party must have been the Bomb.

The president of Brazil blamed the global economic crisis on “white people with blue eyes”. And today Cheney and AIG executives visited a tanning salon and asked for the 5 hours-a-day especial.

Adult Americans spend an average of more than eight hours a day in front of screens. Unfortunately for NBC, none of them in front of their shows…

A "friend" of Joe Biden's daughter is attempting to sell to some magazines a videotape that he claims shows her snorting cocaine at a house party. Some reporters believe it is a hoax because he is also trying to sell a videotape of Amy Winehouse not doing cocaine.

A "friend" of Joe Biden's daughter videotaped her snorting cocaine at a house party and now is trying to sell the tape. I guess Michael Phelps learned the lesson and he is the one holding the video camera this time.

A "friend" of Joe Biden's daughter videotaped her doing 4 lines of cocaine at a house party. It has to be a hoax… a Biden with only 4 lines, come on, her father cannot have only 4 lines; have you heard his speeches?

A "friend" of Joe Biden's daughter is attempting to sell to some magazines a videotape that he claims shows her snorting cocaine at a house party. Does it mean we are sending troops to the border with Mexico to fight the war on drugs or to get more for the Biden’s daughter?

30% of Americans think it should be illegal for athletes to earn more than $1 million a year, especially if they play for the Clippers.