April 9th 2009

The White House is considering how to respond to the hijacking of a U.S. cargo ship by Somali pirates. Hopefully, they won't respond the same way they did with pirates here: a 90% tax charge . . .

Researchers at Newcastle University in England said that the best cure for hangover is bacon. Actually, it's the entire pig; the one you see next to you in the morning when you wake up; that definitely cures your hangover and even your alcoholism.

Walgreens has pulled the Barack Obama Chia Pet from its shelves because people complained about them. Maybe if they had called it "Barack Obama Che pet" . . .

Walgreens has pulled the Barack Obama Chia Pet from its shelves because people complained about them. Unlike Biden, who would have loved to be featured with such great hair . . .

A guy in Texas stabbed another man in the chest for passing gas in the hotel room they were sharing. And you know that in the corner of the room, a little dog was smiling.

The White House is allocating tickets for the upcoming Easter Egg Roll to gay and lesbian parents as part of the Obama administration's outreach to diverse communities, finally a chance for Cheney's daughter to see what the White House looks like . . .

According to Star Magazine, Kevin Federline and Britney Spears are doing the nasty again. Noting romantic here; Kevin needs money for the rent again.

Republican pundits are going crazy after it was known President Obama bowed to Saudi Arabia's King last week.
That’s not America. Bush would have bowed and served him orally . . .

Republican pundits are going crazy after it was known President Obama bowed to Saudi Arabia's King last week. Haven't they met a car salesman before? They would do anything to try to sell a car . . .

A policeman claims he failed a drug test because he performed oral favors to a coke head. So guys, now you know, if you are going to date Lindsay Lohan now that she's single again, be sure to get a cab on your first date.

Members of Oregon's House of Representatives passed a new bill that would get you up to five years in prison for throwing your spermatozoa at another person. And today Bill Clinton cancelled his speech in Portland.