June 15th 2009

Two million Americans who didn't get the digital box in time are now without television reception. The government expects some acts of violence, not because they are mad about the change, but because some families were forced to talk to each other for the first time in their lives.

Two million Americans who didn't get the digital box in time are now without television reception. Lucky them! They were not forced to watch Sarah Palin whining about Letterman.

A study says that poor sleep quality could increase a person's risk of death. Yeah… my neighbor’s… because I will kill him if he doesn’t lower the volume of his stereo.

British researchers say stress can help a person live longer. It is obvious my wife wants me to live forever.

President Obama wrote a note for a ten year old girl who missed school to hear him speak. And Bill Clinton asked the president if he could write a bunch of those notes for him to use them as an excuse next time he gets home late.

A notebook found by investigators reveals that the Holocaust Museum shooter, James von Brunn, had also other targets in mind, like the White House, the Washington Post, and a FOX News location. Actually the Fox News location was the place for him to rest, recharge himself of hate, and continue the shooting.

A dog that ran off from its owner in Seattle's Seward Park found and ate some marijuana and got high. The owner said the dog is fine, and is now starting its rap career.

David Carradine’s funeral was held on Saturday. Things went a little bit awkward when they lowered the coffin into the grave and mistakenly used the rope he had tied around his testicles.

David Carradine’s funeral was held on Saturday. Things went a little bit awkward when they lowered the coffin into the grave and mistakenly tied the rope around his testicles.

David Carradine’s funeral was held on Saturday. Reporters were not allowed in; they were left hanging outside.

David Carradine hanged himself during an autoerotic sex act. I blame the family for having him on such a short leash.

The U.S. amusement park chain Six Flags, Inc filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy Saturday. Ironically, the rollercoaster market was the one to take them to the ground.

David Letterman apologized for a joke about Palin’s 14-year-old daughter. He said that if he knew she was 14, he should have used Woody Allen instead of A-Rod.

Special Olympic Games’ organizers cancelled Carrie Prejean as a presenter of medals. But they told her that she’s welcomed to come back as a contestant.

Iranian President Ahmadinejad said the riots are completely unjustified, because everybody knew the Lakers were going to win.

CIA Chief Leon Panetta says it seems like Dick Cheney almost wants the U.S. to be attacked. Cheney immediately corrected him; the “almost” is unnecessary.

Air France couldn’t find yet the "black box" recorders that could hold the key to its plunge into the Atlantic. Maybe if Airlines started calling it “White Box” investigators would launch a more thorough search.

A pair of jeans the size of six tennis courts, should be recognized by Guinness World Records as the biggest anywhere… but just because Kirstie Alley didn’t submit hers.