May 30th 2009

Former presidents George W. Bush and Bill Clinton held today speeches at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre. According to organizers, they both had requests: Bush asked attendants not to wear shoes, and Clinton asked them not to wear underwear.

A celebrity gossip blogger claims that Angelina Jolie is pregnant. I don’t know if it is true or not, but just in case, can somebody please tie Octomom down?

A celebrity gossip blogger claims that Angelina Jolie is pregnant. And immediately, the stocks on adoption of kids in Africa went down 30 percent.

President Obama is looking for a "Cyber Czar". The person's duty will be to scour the Internet for objectionable material. And today, Bill Clinton was heard saying: “Me, me , me, please Obama, me…”

A five-year-old girl who barks and laps up food like a dog having had more contact with canines than humans was found on Wednesday. Tough luck, the one that found her was Michael Vick.

A five-year-old girl who barks and laps up food like a dog having had more contact with canines than humans was found on Wednesday. She is going to grow up to be a real bitch.

A five-year-old girl who barks and laps up food like a dog having had more contact with canines than humans was found on Wednesday. Hey, if they need a translator my wife is available.

Police in Knoxville, Tennessee, caught a burglar who was wearing only a woman's thong. Apparently, it was an easy case to crack.

The Illinois Senate passed a bill to legalize marijuana. They used the bill later to roll a joint. More than 1,500 protesters gathered at a rally in West Hollywood expressing their opposition to the California Supreme Court's decision to uphold the state's gay marriage ban.

The protest was closely monitored by cops…construction workers, Indians chiefs, and cowboys…

American idol runner-up, Adam Lambert, said that those who speculate about his sexuality should "keep speculating." So we don’t know whether he is gay, really gay, or extremely gay.

According to a new survey, one in ten Americans spends an average of 60 minutes a day in the bathroom. Those are the ones that get a response to their foot tapping.

Tom Tancredo suggested that Sotomayor's affiliation with the National Council of La Raza, a Latino civil rights group, was equivalent to being a member of the Ku Klux Klan. But I’m sure that they have cleaner sheets…