May 20th 2009

Michael Steele spoke before RNC officials on Tuesday and said that the change the GOP wants is being delivered in a tea bag. Apparently, the change Republicans offer has strings attached…

Michael Steele spoke before RNC officials on Tuesday and said that the change the GOP wants is being delivered in a tea bag. Unfortunately for the GOP, it seems most of the country likes black coffee.

Former President Bill Clinton became the U.N.'s first special envoy to Haiti on Tuesday. Hillary is very happy with that decision; you know how difficult is it going to be for Bill to find chubby chicks in a starving country?

Congress wants to crack down on credit card companies.Ironically isn't crack down the reason why Pelosi loves plastic?

According to a recent survey, Republicans fear Latinos may be leaving the party. “If Latinos leave the party early, who cleans?” said an old Republican…

The owner of the Pepsi Center in Denver booked a WWE event for Monday, the same day the Denver Nuggets are playing a playoff game. It is not a big problem; with all the injury faking and theatrics that Kobe has been doing lately and the slanted referees, people won’t notice the difference.

The owner of the Pepsi Center in Denver booked a WWE event for Monday, the same day the Denver Nuggets are playing a playoff game. “Not a problem,” said New York Knicks’ president; “you can use our arena for this event this year and the next 20.”

A man in Poland who tried to hire a prostitute to take his 14-year-old son's virginity as a present was spared jail by a court on Friday. Apparently the judge was sympathetic because the kid is a Trekkie…

Yesterday was the finale of American Idol. Millions of people voted for Adam Lambert. But we know who didn’t… Miss California…

Fox has cancelled the TV show "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?" Apparently, due to the lack of worthy competitors.

ABC cancelled the show "Samantha Who?" When ABC producers were asked about it they replied: "Samantha Who?"

CBS is dropping "Without a Trace." Apparently, there was no trace of an audience…

NBC cancelled the show “Life…” Yeah, apparently the show is dead…

A Canadian study says that if a woman wears a D cup she has a greater chance of getting diabetes than if she wears an A cup. Apparently, it has to do with all the free diners and drinks D-cup women get from horny guys.

First Lady Michelle Obama said the White House is a place where people should feel free to speak their mind… and then made Obama shut up because she was watching Oprah.

Doctors say that a handful of nuts a week may reduce the risk of age-related blindness by 35%. That’s why I’m looking for a job in congress; with so many nuts there, I’m guaranteed a 20/20 vision for life.

The Chinese government has closed down the country's first sex amusement park. Apparently, Chinese people felt discriminated by the sign that read “you have to be this big to ride this…”

Two Russian tourists were injured while attempting to have sex with a porcupine. I hope they wore condoms… oh, it was a porcupine…. never mind.