May 14th 2009

Statistics show that some 40% of U.S. moms are unmarried… because they are all dating John Edwards.

A flawless vivid blue diamond weighing 7.03 carats sold on Tuesday for a record $9.5 million. I wonder who Kobe screw this time?

Sarah Palin has signed a book deal to write her memoirs. McCain was mad… “Why didn’t she it write before we chose her as a running mate? At least we would have known what we were going to get into.”

Craigslist is dropping its "Erotic Services" section and replace it by a new category for adult services that will be manually reviewed before appearing on the site. When he found out it’d be manually reviewed, Eliot Spitzer immediately sent his resume to see if he could get a job there.

Craigslist is dropping its "Erotic Services" section. Prostitutes will probably find a code word to continue advertising. “20-year-old car with great bumpers and a lot of junk in the trunk for only $300”

President Barack Obama declared Wednesday he would try to block the court-ordered release of photos showing U.S. troops abusing prisoners. Apparently, some of the soldiers involved in the pictures claimed that they were on a cliff when the wind blew in and the photographer wasn’t supposed to take those photos…

Singer Jessica Simpson has shot down rumors she is expecting a baby. She says she is sure she is not pregnant because to be extra safe she took the morning after pill before she had sex.

Singer Jessica Simpson has shot down rumors she is expecting a baby. Apparently, that little gut we saw in some pictures was just a chicken wing-nacho-cheese-beer gut

A species of fish that can cause LSD-like hallucinations has been caught off the coast of southern England. Many people knew already about it; where do you think the band Phish got its name from?

A species of fish that can cause LSD-like hallucinations has been caught off the coast of southern England. As soon as Rush Limbaugh heard about it, the fish became an endangered species.

A species of fish that can cause LSD-like hallucinations has been caught off the coast of southern England. Apparently, the bait used to catch it is Amy Winehouse.

Vice president Joe Biden’s nephew, Jamie Biden, plays guitar in a rock band. Apparently, he plays guitar because it is hard to sing with your foot in your mouth.

Miss California turned 22 yesterday. Her boobs are still way younger.

Nancy Pelosi reiterated during a press conference this morning that she was not told about waterboarding. Republicans are doubting her and today they suggested that the best way to know if she’s telling the truth is waterboarding her.