May 11th 2009

Los Angeles Dodgers star Manny Ramirez has been suspended 50 games for taking a banned substance believed to be a women's fertility drug. Players suspected there was something wrong with Manny because every time he would reach first base he would complain of swollen feet and nipple leakage.

Los Angeles Dodgers star Manny Ramirez has been suspended 50 games for taking a banned substance believed to be a women's fertility drug. Some people call it suspension; he calls it maternity leave.

President Barack Obama hosted the annual White House Correspondents' Association dinner. Fox reporters were mad, especially when they noticed that at their table the only dressing they had for dinner including dessert was Grey Poupon.

An airline catering exclusively to pets will start flying this July. Most Airlines are already prepared to serve pets, after all they have been practicing for years treating their human customers like animals.

A six-month-old puppy in England was hospitalized after eating thirty fridge-magnet letters. That poor thing is going to have a heck of a “vowel” movement.

A six-month old puppy ate some fridge-magnet letters. Its crap became the front page article of the National Enquirer.

A six-month old puppy ate some fridge-magnet letters. The dog was later found stuck to a fire hydrant.

Surgeons performed the nation's first double hand transplant on a man who used to be a chef. He said he was looking forward to cooking again, but then he found out that the hands he was given were from a British person.

Conservative pundits believe that since the controversy on gay marriage broke out, Miss California is doing a lot for the right. And since her lingerie pictures showed up, she’s been doing a lot for the right, the right hand of a lot of guys…

It is unlikely for Miss California to ever participate in a beauty pageant again. After her comments about gays, there’s no chance she’ll find a hairdresser that would make her look good.

NASCAR has suspended a driver after he failed a random drug test. NASCAR officials suspected something wasn’t right when the car didn’t have any engine, but still he was driving 300 mph just by pedaling.

NASCAR has suspended a driver after he failed a random drug test. I don’t want to say it could be steroids, but officials are having a hard time trying to remove his body off the window of the car.

An Iranian man was stoned to death for being an adulterer. Just the opposite of what usually happens in this country where people become adulterers after getting stoned.

According to Mexican officials, the swine flu outbreak has cost Mexico $2.2 Billion. Only $2.2 Billion? Maybe we can put them in charge of GM.

Pennsylvania lawmakers are considering a bill that would bar welfare recipients from using taxpayer-backed benefit cards to buy alcohol. If we bar all the taxpayer money recipients from buying alcohol, there wouldn’t be many congressmen out there.

Federal officials say they're ready to begin building a new "virtual fence" along the U.S.-Mexico border. Mexicans don’t worry; they have been working for a while on a Star Trek technology that will allow them to “Bean” themselves to the other side of the border.

Nude photos of Rihanna popped up on a website. Ironically, the images already got tons of hits.