May 1st 2009

That's it for this week... have a great weekend. Pedro... pedrobartes@hotmail.com

First we had the mad cow disease, then the bird flu, now the swine flu. Do we have to check the Chinese horoscope to know what kind of disease is coming next?

Egypt began slaughtering the roughly 300,000 pigs in the country Wednesday as a precaution against swine flu. And when he heard that, Lou Dobbs insisted they call it Mexican flu.

Our media always finds a way to scare us. We replaced the pirates for the swine flu. We went from Arrrrrgh, to Aaaaaaaaaahhhhtchu….

Health officials in Africa reported yesterday that they have no confirmed cases of swine flu in the country. Evidently, Africans cannot afford a trip to Cancun.

70% of men feel inferior when they look at male models on magazine covers. The other 30% feel aroused.

Researchers have found that eating fatty foods can help boost a person's memory. Nature always has a way to balance itself, because you lose memory when you smoke pot but you regain it with the munchies.

Researchers have found that eating fatty foods can help boost a person's memory. Maybe that’s why Kirstie Alley has the looks and memory of an elephant.

According to a new study from Texas A&M University, nine in ten couples admit they became LESS satisfied with their marriage after having kids. The other couple is Hannah Montana’s parents.

Sarah Palin was a guest on an episode of "American Chopper" on The Learning Channel. Imagine her disappointment when she showed up armed to the teeth to shoot wolves from the helicopter and was told that the show is about motorcycles.

A survey by the National Health and Nutrition Examination here in the U.S. found that the number of obese adolescents has increased to 17.6%. Another case of a pig pandemic…

Vice President Joe Biden said Thursday that he would not recommend taking any commercial flight or riding in a subway car because of the swine flu virus. I don’t want to say it was a dumb comment but even Bush went: Uhhhhh?

Vice President Joe Biden said Thursday that he would not recommend taking any commercial flight because of the swine flu. Someone should tell him, it’s swine flu, not swine flew… Planes will not be crashing with flying pigs…

The World Health Organization insisted yesterday that the swine flu virus doesn’t spread with the contact with pigs, and Bill Clinton immediately sighed with relief.

A Couple in England was caught having sex on the Queen's lawn. Apparently, they misunderstood the queen; she was screaming get off my lawn, not get off in my lawn.

Kim Kardashian told reporters that she wants us to stop focusing on her backside. It was hard to understand though because she wasn’t facing the cameras while saying that, her back was…