April 21st 2009

The market dropped almost 300 points yesterday. It was so ugly; Wall Street called it “Susan Boyle Day.”

New reports show that C.I.A. interrogators used waterboarding on two key prisoners from Al Qaeda 266 times. You would think that after the 50th, maybe 60th time, the prisoners kind of figured out that they were not going to drown him, right?

According to a new study, fat people contribute more to global warming than thin people. Now THAT’s an “Inconvenient Truth” for Al Gore.

During an interview with the New York Post, Rudy Giuliani said that he is against gay marriage. Apparently, marriage should be only between a man and a woman, and another woman and another woman…

During an interview with the New York Post, Rudy Giuliani said that he is against gay marriage. Gays immediately complained, because they all deserve an opportunity to be as miserable as he was in his own marriages.

The Somali pirate suspect is in route to New York. You can find him in the next couple of days in Canal Street selling pirated videos.

The U.N. held its racism conference in Geneva yesterday. The fact that they sat black people at the back didn’t help much…

There's a 26-year-old man in India who has a rare condition that makes him look like a toddler. What a chance for Madonna to kill two birds with one stone! He’s a perfect boyfriend and a great kid to adopt…

Manufacturers have dumped 271 million pounds of chemicals into U.S. rivers and streams. And today Rush Limbaugh started taking scuba diving lessons.

Bank of America posted a $281 billion first-quarter profit. Apparently, some CEO’s cancelled a couple of weekend parties.

According to a survey, one in five Americans have had same-sex relations. So, come on, who among the other four did it with the gay guy?

Jackie Chan said Chinese people should be controlled. I agree, especially those who make bad movies…

A woman and her husband were fined $300 in England because neighbors complained she was making too much noise while having sex. And for the husband it was even worse, because he even wasn’t in the room when she was screaming.

The economy is bad… college kids didn’t have spring break; they had Spring Broke.