May 18th 2009

The CIA contradicted Nancy Pelosi's story that she wasn't told about waterboarding.You can't blame her, she's not remembering clearly, it was way back, like seven faces ago.

The CIA contradicted Nancy Pelosi's story that she wasn't told about waterboarding.You can't blame her, she's not remembering clearly, it was way back, like seven faces ago.

Swimmer Aaron Peirsol beat Olympic star Michael Phelps in the 100-meter backstroke at the Charlotte UltraSwim on Saturday night. Peirsol had a great time of 53.32 seconds, Phelps wasn't unhappy with his 420…

Swimmer Aaron Peirsol beat Olympic star Michael Phelps in the 100-meter backstroke at the Charlotte UltraSwim on Saturday night. Ironically, Phelps got “smoked” by Peirsol.

Swimmer Aaron Peirsol beat Olympic star Michael Phelps in the 100-meter backstroke at the Charlotte UltraSwim on Saturday night. It was hard for Phelps to do the backstrokes with only one arm while the other one was holding the joint high so it wouldn’t get wet.

Researchers in Australia discovered that tall people make more money than short people. Apparently, based on the unwritten rule that says you have be “this tall” to get a promotion.

Bristol Palin graduated from high school with a GPA of 3.497, meaning she was just .003 short of graduating with honors. Apparently, what ruined her chances of graduating with honors was the F she got in sex ed.

A guy in Massachusetts was arrested for trying to eat a bowl of cereal while driving. His excuse didn’t help; he claimed he was really hungry after all the pot he had smoked before getting in the car.

A Virginia Democrat wants pharmaceutical companies to stop running ads for erectile dysfunction drugs during prime time TV, especially when children are likely to be watching television. Apparently, congressmen are concerned kids will find out that the blue pills daddy takes every day claiming they are for the cholesterol, are for something else.

A woman in England became the oldest “tweeterer” after signing up for the micro-blogging site at the age of 104. Her first tweeter read: “Get off my lawn!”

A woman in England became the oldest “tweeterer” after signing up for the micro-blogging site at the age of 104. Her first twitters read: 3 am, “I am going to the bathroom…” 3:05, “I’m going to the bathroom again…” 3:10… “I’m in the bathroom…”

A woman in England became the oldest “tweeterer” after signing up for the micro-blogging site at the age of 104. Her first twitters read: “I just saw John McCain in TV… Wow that fellow is old!”

An eight-month pregnant woman is about to become the oldest mom at the age of 66. She wants to kill two birds with one stone and have the delivery the same day she has the hip replacement.

An eight-month pregnant woman is about to become the oldest mom at the age of 66. And today John Edwards released a statement swearing he has nothing to do with that.

Doctors in Houston believe Hurricane Ike might have spawned a mini-baby boom. You know that was likely to happen with so many lonely politicians visiting the devastated area.

A Colorado man nicknamed the "Nicotine Ninja" has robbed liquor stores of more than $120,000 of cigarettes. How hard could it be to catch a thief that smokes that much? He makes two steps and gets all agitated…

A Colorado man nicknamed the "Nicotine Ninja" has robbed liquor stores of more than $120,000 of cigarettes. He is easy to recognize; he is the thief with the oxygen tank.

A New York man who was given a mastectomy did not have cancer and is suing the hospital because the wrongdoing could affect his job performance. Apparently, he works as Simon Cowel’s body double.

The economy is so bad the farm I bought when I died got foreclosed on.

A prostitute in Iowa was busted for advertising her services on the wall of an elevator. I don’t want to say she was ugly, but most people would choose to take the stairs.

There's a nightclub in Long Beach, California, called Club Bounce dedicated to the plus-size population. The club is located by the beach so the whales can roll back easily to the water.

A recent survey found out that more than one in ten teens have sent naked pictures of themselves to a complete stranger, the other nine to someone they knew.