May 26th 2009

Helio Castroneves has won the Indy 500 for the third time. Nobody could stop him at the track, he was really fast, especially when his mechanics told him that the car chasing him during the race was from the IRS.

Helio Castroneves has won the Indy 500 for the third time. His car was unstoppable, apparently since he had problems with the IRS, he decided to install a turbo in the car, a turbo TAX.

According to the media, Dick Cheney is writing his memoirs. Apparently he is not using ghost writers because even ghosts are afraid of him.

During a recent speech Dick Cheney said that this country is not safe under the Obama administration. He might be right the country is not safe, considering he is still free.

Michael Vick was released from prison after serving 19 months for dog fighting. He already received various jobs offers, a bunch of NFL teams and several Korean restaurants.

Hugh Hefner is looking to sell Playboy enterprises for $300 million. Man, can you imagine all the girls he can get with $300 million?

A man in Florida has been living in a closet that he only rents for $150 a month. No wonder Ryan Seacrest doesn’t want to get out of the closet, he’s been living there all his life and for free!

Today is Memorial Day, the day set aside to remember…. Isn’t it today then a great day to ask Nanci Pelosi today if she remembers being told about waterboarding?

Robert Furchgott, the Nobel prize-winning that paved the way to the discovery Viagra has died. It was an open casket ceremony because they couldn’t close it.

Robert Furchgott, the Nobel prize-winning that paved the way to the discovery Viagra has died. And to honor him, his friends carry the casket without any hands.

A $36 million anti-terrorism machine designed to detect bombs on airline passengers is being scuttled because the machines proved unreliable at airports. Apparently several passengers went through without being stooped carrying the latest Paris Hilton’s movie.

While speaking at a ceremony for Artesia High School , former president Bush said that sometimes he walks his dog Barney, and even picks up its poo. He shouldn’t feel bad, since Obama became president, he’s been picking up all the crap Bush left since he left office.

A new book claims President Obama privately rebuked Joe Biden for his inability to keep things to himself. In fact Obama is so mad at Biden that the other day he farted and instead of blaming Bo, the dog, he blamed the vice –president.

A group of kindergarteners were really disappointed and even cried when they found out that the White House they were supposed to visit was closed and president Obama had left to another appointment. That wouldn’t have happened if Bush had still been the president…. He would have waited for them, blown any meeting with any world leader, and watched Cartoons Networks with the kids for hours…

A group of kindergarteners were really disappointed and even cried when they found out that the White House they were supposed to visit was closed and president Obama had left to another appointment. Actually the kids dried wen they were offered the option to spend the day with Joe Biden.

An 18-year-old woman who auctioned her virginity for almost $17,000 may lose half because prostitutes in Germany are taxed at 50% of earning. That’s unfortunate; she got screwed twice on the same day and lost half of the money…

A right-wing radio host in Chicago named “Erich ‘Mancow’ Muller” lasted only 6 seconds being waterboarded and admitted that it felt like torture. To what Cheney said, yeah, but after the 180th time you start getting used to it.

A right-wing radio host in Chicago named “Erich ‘Mancow’ Muller” lasted only 6 seconds being waterboarded and admitted that it felt like torture. And now his wife is considering leaving him, because that is 3 more seconds that he lasts with her in bed.

The media in Canada says that the ceremonial torch for the 2010 Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver resembles a hand-rolled marijuana joint. And today Michael Phelps announced he is taking curling lessons to try to make it into the US Olympic team.

The media in Canada says that the ceremonial torch for the 2010 Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver resembles a hand-rolled marijuana joint. It is a great idea because it guarantees that everybody will try to keep it lit throughout the entire competition.