June 8th 2009

According to a new study from the University of Gothenburg in Sweden women with the best sex lives are the most productive at work. Can somebody do something for the good of the country and screw Pelosi?

A 90-year-old suburban Chicago woman who dropped out of school to help her family during the Great Depression now has her high school diploma. Just what the job market was looking for, a 90-year-old woman with a high school diploma, she’ll probably get a job by the time she is a hundred.

A brothel in Nevada will be the first one to add male prostitutes. It is not a novelty anymore; when it comes to men selling themselves for money congress has been doing that for years.

A study says that most people replace half their friends every seven years... usually the ones that have stopped lending you money.

A poll says that half of all Americans say that torture is sometimes justified. Apparently, the other half has not seen Heidi and Spencer Pratt in “I’m a celebrity get me out of here.”

Osama bin Laden issued a new audio tape on Thursday. He’ll never get the attention of the youth using such an old way of communication. Apparently, he posted the audio on Myspace.

NBC’s news special, “Inside the Obama White House,” was watched by 9 million people. Finally a chance for Ralph Nader to see the inside of the White House!

Friday was Biden’s wife’s birthday. They asked the vice president to blow the candles because it was the only chance for everybody to make him shut up for a second.

Friday was Biden’s wife’s birthday. Friends were going to throw a surprise party in a secret location, but of course Biden blew it…

Kelly Clarkson said during an interview in Australia that she’s tired of the fat jokes. And then she realized the reporter was laughing hysterically while holding a banana instead of a microphone.

Handguns will be allowed in bars and restaurants in Tennessee... A priest and a rabbi walked into a bar in Tennessee to discuss religion and now they are both dead.

Handguns will soon be allowed in bars and restaurants in Tennessee. I guess you will have to think twice before you order a shot now.

North Korea missed their chances to qualify to the soccer world cup after their loss to Iran over the weekend. It couldn’t have happened at a better time for Kim Jhon Il who was looking for people to have a twenty-one-killed salute to welcome his son into power.

David Carradine was found dead last week in the closet of a Bangkok hotel room with rope tied around his neck and genitals. Apparently, he couldn’t cum out of the closet.

David Carradine was found dead this week in the closet of a Bangkok hotel room with rope tied around his neck and genitals. Apparently, at the very last second he loosened the rope of the wrong head.

David Carradine was found dead this week in the closet of a Bangkok hotel room with rope tied around his neck and genitals. He was in the process of filming a movie called “Stretch”, unfortunately that didn’t happen to the rope.

David Carradine was found dead this week in the closet of a Bangkok hotel room with rope tied around his neck and genitals. Isn’t masturbating in Thailand like going hungry to an all-you-can-eat-buffet and bringing your own hotdog?