June 1st 2009

President Barack Obama and his wife Michelle went to a Broadway show on Saturday. They got a beautiful balcony in the theater courtesy of the Republican Party.

President Barack Obama and his wife Michelle went to a Broadway show on Saturday. I guess waterboarding doesn't look that torturous for him anymore...

According to a new survey, 28% of people would rather talk about constipation than politics. At least when you talk constipation you keep the crap inside; when you discuss politics you spill it all over.

President Obama stopped at the Five Guys Restaurant and ordered a cheeseburger. Some political analysts believe he went to a restaurant and had hamburgers to look like an everyday American. Truth is he went out again because Michelle’s cooking sucks.

President Obama stopped at the Five Guys Restaurant and ordered a cheeseburger with jalapeños lettuce and tomato. Apparently, Obama hopes Chenney will try to top that and die from a heart attack.

President Obama stopped at the Five Guys Restaurant and ordered a cheeseburger with jalapeños. I don’t know if his ratings will go up, but his cholesterol, for sure.

During a debate in Toronto, Former President George W. Bush called ex-President Bill Clinton "his brother" because his mom has been calling Bill her son. Maybe that’s why Jenna and Barbara called Bill uncle pervy.

The World Health Organization is recommending that cigarette packages have graphic pictures to discourage smoking. And by graphic pictures they mean the price of the pack in big numbers.

A man in Florida has been living in a closet that he only rents for $150 a month. That’s $150 more than Ryan Seacrest…

A local newspaper in northwest Pennsylvania apologized on Friday for running a classified advertisement that called implicitly for the assassination of U.S. President Barack Obama. The ad didn’t have a phone number but now you understand why Rush got more phone calls last Friday than ever before.

A local newspaper in northwest Pennsylvania ran an ad that called implicitly for the assassination of U.S. President Barack Obama saying “May Obama follow in the footsteps of Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley and Kennedy” Apparently, the editor ran it because he thought it meant Obama was going to have sex with Barbara Walters.

Prince Harry played in a charity polo match in New York City over the weekend. And no, he didn’t ride his daddy’s girlfriend…

Bravo TV has announced that it is developing The Real Housewives of D.C. It can’t be as exciting as the other Real Housewives shows. In DC we know already that most husbands are in bed with lobbyists.

Millvina Dean, the last remaining survivor of the sinking of the Titanic in 1912, died. Apparently, her heart didn’t go on anymore.

Producers of the movie “The Other Side” have told Lindsay Lohan that she needs to gain some weight. They suggested a change on her diet: leave the fish and eat some real meat!

The top Republican involved in the confirmation hearings for President Barack Obama's Supreme Court nominee, Sen. Jeff Sessions, said Sunday that he would prefer fellow Republicans stop calling Sotomayor a racist. Apparently, that was helping her to improve her ratings among hardcore conservatives.

Bird protection group warns that the cuckoo bird is in danger of extinction. Apparently, every time the cuckoo goes out in the early morning to wake people up, the bird gets shot at by those who are unemployed.

A 101-year-old woman in London says she’s been smoking every day since she was 7. That’s why her last birthday party lasted 5 days, because that was what it took her to blow the candles.

BET will air a series about NASCAR drivers. Apparently, black people are fascinated by the fact that you can drive around for hours without being pulled over by the cops.

Lee Majors, the bionic man, has a 34-year-old wife. And you know that soon he’ll be known as the three million dollar man after his wife takes half in the divorce.

British tabloids say that Susan Boyle was rushed to some kind of private clinic called Priory following Saturday's finale, because she was suffering from exhaustion. Apparently, before the show she did the eyebrow and nose trimming herself.