June 29th 2009

A Connecticut minister tried to exorcise "gay demons" from a teenage boy. Apparently, instead of a bible and blessed water, the minister used the sports section of the paper and old spice.

According to a recent survey, two in three Americans say there's more loneliness in today's society. The other one didn’t want to answer and asked the pollster to leave him alone.

It was proven this week that death comes in threes: Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett and Mark Sanford's political career.

The media reported that paramedics tried for almost one hour to resuscitate Michael Jackson. Maybe if they had used an 8-year-old to give him mouth to mouth he would have woken up right away.

The media reported that paramedics tried for almost one hour to resuscitate Michael Jackson. Actually, it was a couple of minutes; they used the rest of the time to try to stick the nose back after they unglued it giving him mouth to mouth.

After the attempts to revive Michael Jackson failed, he was driven off in his own NAMBulance.

For the first time, an image of a memory being made at the cellular level has been captured by scientists. It is an incredible, tiny picture because it is from the memory of a Republican.

Authorities said a man using the drive-through at a Tallahassee bank deposited $200 and a small bag containing marijuana and cocaine. He’s a smart man; he doesn’t want to blow his savings.

Billy Mays, TV salesman, died Sunday. But if you call right now, God is willing to throw in, the Sham Wow guy and a bunch of hosts of QVC.

Billy Mays, TV salesman, died Sunday. Apparently his heart went “Kaboom”.

According to a recent survey, four in five Americans think it's easier to stay in touch with family. But just because of the recession… they are forced to live in the same house.

The annual BET Awards aired Sunday. It was mostly a tribute to Michael Jackson, and during the commercials a tribute to Billy Mays.

A former John Edwards aide says the ex-senator and his former mistress, Rielle Hunter, once made a sex tape. It is nothing exciting, Edwards stops having sex every two seconds to ask for a make-up and hair artists.

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford went back to work on Friday. He’ll do anything he can to avoid being at home with his wife.

The House of Representatives on Friday paid tribute to Michael Jackson. They had a moment of silence and some of the pages poured Jesus juice on the floor.

Officials for the Chicago Public School system announce that starting this fall, they'll begin testing students for STD’s. Apparently, teachers were tired of getting the crabs.