July 1st 2009

During a press conference, Joe Jackson took time to promote his record label. So no only does he want to make money out of Michael Jackson’s death, but he also wants to take over Billy Mays’ career and become a pitchman.

After Michael Jackson’s death, the internet hasn’t stopped getting rumors of other celebrities’ deaths. So, I guess everybody in the show The Hills is safe.

During an interview with AP, Mark Sanford confessed he had had several affairs. His wife started to suspect something when he wasn’t getting fit even though he was going hiking almost every day.

It was revealed yesterday that Bubbles, Michael Jackson’s chimp, is alive. It is going to be a tough call for the judge now to decide if Bubbles could be better suited than Jackson’s parents to raise his kids.

Sarah Palin said that he can beat Obama in a race. Unfortunately, in 2008 it was a tag race and she was running with old McCain.

Another Airbus crashed this month. Maybe if we changed the name… I mean, buses are meant to be on the ground.

The Minnesota Supreme Court ruled Al Franken should be certified the winner of the state's Senate race. Apparently, they were getting too much pressure from people in Iran.

Michael Phelps had a birthday yesterday. He blew 24 candles and a huge bong.

The 5-year- girl that survived the plane crash in the Indian Ocean, turned out to be 14 years old. Wow! Those tough situations make grow fast!

A 14-year-old girl was the only survivor of a plane crash in the Indian Ocean. When they found her, the girl was so cold that she couldn't even grab the life buoy or twitter.

Gold’s Gym started a new "say no to cankles" ad campaign. Ironically, that is the same slogan Republicans are planning on using against Hillary in 2016.

A man from Pennsylvania was arrested for damaging a hotel elevator while he was trapped inside. He was charged only $500 after using the “I-can’t-stand-Kenny-G” defense.

There's a type of rabbit named after Hugh Hefner, and it's almost extinct. Because like Hugh Hefner, that rabbit is around bunnies, but can’t have sex anymore.