July 30th 2009

Madonna's answering machine messages from her past are up for auction. Don’t hurry up to buy them; you’ll need one of those old reel to reel to be able to hear them.

Kelly Clarkson's newest music video, "Already Gone", is out. Apparently, the video is about the food she purchased yesterday at the supermarket.

President Obama will sit down and share a beer with Professor Gates and Sergeant Crowley at the White House. Can anybody tell the neighbors that if they see two black people at the White House porch they shouldn’t call 911?

President Obama will sit down and share a beer with Professor Gates and Sergeant Crowley at the White House. And you know Obama is going to side with whoever brings the smokes…

An approved resolution introduced by Rep. Neil Abercrombie stated that Obama was born in Hawaii. I’m not giving up; what does Fitch think about it? said a crazy birther...

Larry King and his wife may be getting divorced. Larry is happy, he’s filled his divorce-punch card and the lawyer is not charging anything for this one.

The U.S. government plans to increase funding to battle obesity. You think more government pork is going to help people lose weight?

Millions of federal stimulus money is being used to repair and build toilets across the nation. Quite logical with an economy that is going down the toilet…

A New York school board approved a measure adding pregnancy tests to high school clinics. Still teachers are pushing for DNA tests, so they will know which student is the father of their baby.

According to a recent survey 17% of women say they've only had sex with one person in their entire life. That guy must be a stud!

A website that helps married people have affairs has increased its traffic by 84% this year. It is called “GoneHiking.com”