July 6th 2009

Mark Sanford’s wife quoted a passage from the bible when she suggested she might forgive her husband. Mark knows the bible well; he reads it every time he is killing time at the hotel waiting for his mistresses to come out of the bathroom.

Hollywood is very concerned with the number of celebrities that have died in the last two weeks. Oh my God, this year’s Oscar tribute is going to last forever.

According to a new poll, 3% of Americans think the media isn't covering Michael Jackson’s death enough. By 3% we mean, Sanford, Palin, and Ensign.

The Foo Fighters played for president Obama on 4th of July. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin played Lady Ga Ga… I mean she played a lady gaga when she gave the press conference to announce her resignation.

Obama is visiting Russia this week to pursue nuclear reaction and also to know if they have any clue of why Palin resigned.

Michael Jackson's fans can now attend his funeral by entering a draw. Complying with Michael’s request, kids under ten get free access and can sit on the casket.

Michael Jackson's memorial will be held at the Staples Center in L.A. Continuing with his plans to save California some money, today Arnold suggested also burying the Clippers.

Few people showed up to see Joe Biden when he visited a small town on the outskirts of Erie to talk about federal stimulus money that can be used to expand broadband access to the Internet for rural areas that typically have poor connections. Apparently, Biden sent the invitation via internet and some farmers are still downloading it.

Cortney Love said that she is planning to gain some weight. Apparently, she won’t have diet coke anymore, I mean her coke diet.

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus are expecting to open a show at The Staples Center a day after Michael Jackson’s memorial. If things work out for them, they might add a couple of clowns to the show, Al Sharpton and Joe Jackson.

Police in Nashville say that two women stole $1,000 worth of disposable razor blades from Walgreens. Apparently, the big moustaches they were spotting were not part of a disguise.

Sarah Palin resigned as a governor of Alaska. Nobody knows why yet, but please let it be that she is having an affair with an Argentinean woman.