September 8th 2009

To all the high school kids in America with Republican parents, if you want to have fun today, when you get home back from school, act like a zombie repeating the words hope, change, and Lennin. Believe me; you’ll have a lot of fun!

Obama’s speech to schoolchildren encourages them to work hard, stay in school and set clear goals. After all the stupid controversy, shouldn’t that speech be more appropriate for some of the Republican parents?

A New York man is donating his 320th pint of blood this week. Unfortunately, he is probably dying of diabetes with all the cookies he’s had.

A New York man is donating his 320th pint of blood this week. Bill Clinton has done it with sperm and nobody is making a big deal of it.

Susan Boyle will be covering a Madonna song on her upcoming debut album. Rumors have it the song will be “Like a Virgin…”

Scientists believe that tick saliva could be used as a cancer cure. So no referee of any sport in the world will never suffer from cancer.

Scientists believe that tick saliva could be used as a cancer cure. And to collect some samples, they sent Bush’s double to the street to say hi to people.

According to the media, French president Nicolas Sarkozy puts short people behind him during speeches to look taller. An old strategy… Obama usually has white people behind him so he looks blacker.

According to the media, French president Nicolas Sarkozy puts short people behind him during speeches to look taller. An old strategy… Obama usually has Biden behind him so he looks smarter.

Wednesday is the official release day of The Beatles RockBand game. The game has different levels easy, intermediate and surviving Yoko

Wednesday is the official release day of The Beatles RockBand game. The game has different levels: advanced, intermediate and extremely easy if you choose to be Ringo.

During the Jerry Lewis telethon, Charro butchered a Rhianna song. Don’t pretend you didn’t wish Chris Brown was there.

Lindsay Lohan was photographed recently in a shirt that read “Just Say No to Drugs. Apparetly the rest of the slogan read “and please give them to me….”

Tasmanian scientists have cloned what is believed to be the world's oldest living organism. Anderson Cooper is mad, because now with two Larry Kings alive he’ll never get to host that show.