August 25th 2009

Michael Jackson's death has been ruled a homicide. Nancy Gray, Greta Van Susteren and Fox will be all over it; you know how much they like to cover the murder of a white woman.

Michael Jackson's death has been ruled a homicide and everybody is blaming Michael’s doctor for administering a heavy cocktail of drugs to help him sleep. Apparently, Michael couldn’t sleep because he suffered of a severe case of GUILT.

Michael Jackson’s personal doctor is being questioned for administering Jackson a heavy cocktail of drugs and could end up in jail, but for sure he is going to end up in the speed dial of Paula, Rush and Amy Winehouse.

According to a recent study nine in ten kids between the ages of eight and 16 have watched online pornography. The other hasn’t opened the e-mail that Gary Glitter has sent him.

According to a recent study, one in four British teen girls wants to be a stripper. Apparently, the other three have not seen yet Miley performing at the Teen Choice Awards.

Billy Joel's home in the Hamptons is on sale for $35 million. The house includes 8 bedrooms, 6 baths and 4 garages; two that came with the house and 2 more he made while trying to park drunk at night.

The Clorox Co, the maker of bleach and household cleaners, said in a statement that it has decided not to advertise in the Glen Beck show anymore, forcing the TV host to have to look for a new product to bleach his hoods.

The Obama administration will launch a $300 million cash-for-clunkers-type federal program to boost sales of energy-efficient home appliances. There’s a flaw; don’t we need homes for home appliances?

Someone paid more than $4.6 million for the crypt above Marilyn Monroe’s. Smart investment; he spent way less money than the Kennedy’s to get on top of her.

People in New Jersey are disgusted with the idea of having Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi visiting the area. How do you think Moammar Gadhafi feels that he has to visit New Jersey?

The Police Department in Colorado might get the approval to sell confiscated firearms. They expect to sell a lot by opening concession stands near the Town Hall meetings.

The government is spending nearly $1 million in stimulus money to study sex. That’s why people love Bill Clinton; he would save so much money by conducting the study himself.

The "New York Times" is reporting that health officials are thinking hard about promoting "universal circumcision". That’s a great TIP!

Melanie Griffith has problems with alcohol and drugs and was admitted to rehab. Would you blame her? You don’t have to look at her face in the mirror every morning…

President Obama plans on doing some swimming while on vacation this week. See? I told you he wasn’t that black…