August 17th 2009

George Michael was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence of drink or drugs. Things got a little bit awkward when the police told him to walk on a straight line and George got down on all four and tried to snort it.

George Michael was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence of drink or drugs. It took a while for the cops to convince George to blow the breathalyzers and not them.

A study has found that women are most attracted to men who look just like them. I guess I have to go to the circus to find my soul mate because I’m bold, fat and with a beard.

A study has found that women are most attracted to men who look just like them. So we finally know why in the South there’s sex between brothers and sisters.

JetBlue is offering a $599 all you can fly monthly pass. Unfortunately, the average wait in the tarmac is a month.

JetBlue is offering a $599 all you can fly monthly pass. Apparently, they developed the concept from what they do with your luggage: you pay for one flight and they fly them all over for a long time.

A South Korea firm will start cloning dogs. But you know that it’ll never taste like the organic.

According to a new study, the older we get, the happier we grow. No wonder babies cry all the time.

A patient at a Cape Coral doctor's office bit part of the doctor's finger off after being denied a prescription. Unfortunately for the patient, the doctor was a proctologist.

A person caught masturbating in the subway claims his privates just popped out and he was trying to put them back. Apparently, his junk was trying to run away from the constant abuse he was putting it under.

A person caught masturbating in the subway claims his privates just popped out and he was trying to put them back. And judging by the repeat motion, the junk was putting a heck of a fight.

An eleven-year-old reporter, who has interviewed Oprah and Dwayne Wade, has finally accomplished his dream to talk to president Obama. What a player; he didn’t care about Obama; he just wanted to score Malia’s phone number.

A musical about Amy Winehouse's life is in the works: The nut crackhead.

The White House was accused Thursday of deliberately causing a sugar shortage. They want to prevent the old Twinkie defense in case some town hall protester gets their way with Obama.

The mayor of Milwaukee was beaten with a metal pipe after coming to the rescue of an old woman who was being attacked. Just a misunderstanding; a town hall protester thought the mayor was another Democrat trying to kill grandma.

A South Carolina man is offering discount caskets for less than $500. He knows the competition will be ferocious as soon as we pass Obama’s health care plan.

The first guest on NBC's "The Jay Leno Show" will be Jerry Seinfeld. Leno also tried to get Michael Richards, but he has an exclusive contract with Glen Beck.

The world population is expected to reach 7 Billion people by 2011… but that only if David Stern gets to expand the NBA to other countries.