August 14th

Have a great weekend! Contact me if you have comments, ideas or suggestions pedrobartes@hotmail.com

Ratings for "Jon & Kate Plus 8" continue to plummet. Rumors are the network is planning on firing two of the kids…

Dick Cheney felt that President Bush stopped listening to him during their second term. He should feel lucky because Bush stopped listening to all of us since his first term.

One of Malaysia's top health officials says that pleasuring yourself increases your chances of getting swine flu. Good, I just ordered two buckets of tamiflu.

An Arizona man caught leaving water bottles in the desert for illegal immigrants has been sentenced to 300 hours of community service and a year of probation. Apparently, the water wasn’t Fiji.

It was confirmed that the question that irritated Hillary was lost in translation and the student meant to say Obama instead of Bill Clinton. In a way, he was lucky because his second question was “why do think Bill loves the fatties?”

A Philadelphia man used identity theft to buy penis enlargements for himself and breast implants for two women. Nobody noticed for a while because he stole Hugh Hefner’s identity.

JetBlue is offering an "all-you-can-fly" pass where passengers can book an unlimited amount of flights over a month for $599. Apparently, they developed the concept from what they do with your luggage: you pay for one flight and they fly them all over for a long time.

Republicans are saying that Obama’s health care plan is going to kill grandparents. Obama denied it and said it is only old mother-in-laws.

G.M. announced they’ll be releasing a car that gets 230 miles a gallon, but just because it is going to be pulled by a tow truck most of the time.