August 12th 2009

Britney Spears’s kids have reportedly started learning how to cuss. But you probably know that already if you cut them off on the road while driving.

A Pennsylvania man was convicted for groping Minnie Mouse at Disney World. He apologized and claimed he was just being goofy.

Bill Clinton celebrated his birthday in Vegas. And right after he blew the candles he called Africa and when Hillary answered he realized his birthday wish of cannibals eating her had not come through.

Political experts are calling “Socialism” the new N word. I doubt it, as I don’t picture 50 cents rapping “sipping Hennessey with my bitches and my socialists…”


Hillary Clinton got upset when a student asked about Bill Clinton and said that she’s not going to be channeling her husband. Apparently, “channeling” is a euphemism for having sex.

A man in a group holding protest signs against Obama had a gun during a town hall meeting hosted by the president. I don’t blame him; I would carry a gun if I was surrounded by those crazy protesters.

A teen set his leg on fire to impress a girl. What a moron; when she told him he wanted him to be like Travis Barker, she meant a drummer, not on fire.

A team of students has found a way for commercial planes to save fuel by flying in formation. Pilots already like that idea and are calling it the “Conga line.”

MC Hammer's cousin has been charged with raping a woman. Apparently, he went on, even though she kept saying “You can’t touch this…”

An Ohio couple recovered their pet tortoise after it went missing for a week. They were happy to get the tortoise and also happy because all this time they kept the water at boiling point for the soup.

100,000 Mexicans attended yesterday the soccer game between the Mexican national team and the US. Organizers said they expected more Mexicans, but unfortunately the game was played in Mexico not in LA.

A wannabe rapper was sentenced to two years in prison for writing a song called "Kill Me a Cop". Wait until his inmates find out he also wrote a song called: “I hate cellmates…”