August 10th 2009

2008 saw the number of births in the US decline for the first time since the start of the decade. No wonder more people are going to the movies; there are not as many annoying kids to bother us.

2008 saw the number of births in the US decline for the first time since the start of the decade. Some economists blame the recession, but most experts blame Jon & Kate plus 8.

A study says that men with healthy sperm live longer than other men. That’s why I exercise my penis regularly.

Sarah Palin said that Obama’s health care is going to kill her son Trig because the plan would refuse healthcare to those who aren't considered "productive members of society.” Should she be scared then?

The autopsy of Billy Mays shows he had cocaine in his system when he died. No wonder he didn’t have a line of white hair, he would even snorted it.

"Time" magazine reported that due to tough economic times, fewer people are burying their dead. But that’s just because they want to cash some of dead grandma’s pension checks before the government finds out.

The average dog is about as smart as a 2-year-old child. So I shouldn’t feel guilty when I take my little boy with a leash to take a dump in the park?

The average dog is about as smart as a 2-year-old child. That’s why it was so hard for Michael Vick to convince some of the dogs to fight for him.

The average dog is about as smart as a 2-year-old child. And today American Idol announced they are replacing Paula Abdul with a poodle.

The American Psychological Association says that gay people can’t become straight through therapy. But some of those psychologists say that given the right time they can make straight people gay…

Playboy Enterprises reported an $8.7 million loss for its second quarter. Hugh Heffner said he’ll cut some costs and recover all the money in one quarter when he stops buying Viagra for himself.

Sonia Sotomayor became the first Hispanic to serve on the Supreme Court on Saturday. And today Scalia made an official petition to have her wear robes as short as some of the women’s skirts in Univision.

Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. administered a pair of oaths to Sonia Sotomayor when she became a Supreme Court judge on Saturday. Her family exploded in cheers when Roberts read the second oath in Spanish and they were finally able to understand what was going on.

A hacker attack shut down Twitter Thursday. The hacker was really depressed when he realized nobody was going to know about it because he couldn’t twitter it.

An obese prisoner in Texas has been charged with illegal possession of a firearm after he was discovered to be hiding a 9mm pistol in between his rolls of fat. He wasn’t that disappointed he got caught, because guards also found his penis which he had not seen in years.

An obese prisoner in Texas has been charged with illegal possession of a firearm after he was discovered to be hiding a 9mm pistol in between his rolls of fat. I don’t want to say he was really fat, but after a thorough search, guards were also able to find an AK 47, a tank and 2 F 15s.

The drug industry will spend as much as $150 million on television ads supporting President Obama’s health care overhaul. It is a payback for all the money Obama helps them make driving Rush Limbaugh crazy.

The drug industry will spend as much as $150 million on television ads supporting President Obama’s health care overhaul. And if you thought prescription drug disclaimers were long during drugs ads, wait till you see the ads supporting Obama’s health care.

A reverend married two horses at a pub in England. It was like any other wedding, the groom had a very long face.

A reverend married two horses at a pub in England. Their honey moon was a night-MARE…

A reverend married two horses at a pub in England. They all hope their marriage will be “stable.”

According to a survey, 6% of people admit they've fallen asleep at the wheel within the last year. Mostly Al Gore’s chauffeurs.