August 24th 2009

The world's longest-serving bartender is about to retire after 77 years on the job. At the end of his career he didn’t even need to shake his drinks his Parkinson did the trick.

There’s a new internet addiction treatment center that costs $325 a day. Until they can come up with a program that costs less than a pack of paper tissues a day, I’d rather stick to porn.

Nine in ten women from the country of Jordan think it's okay for a man to beat his wife under certain circumstances. And today Chris Brown packed his bags and moved to Jordan.

Car dealers are concerned the Government is going to take a long time to give them the money they are owed for the “Cash for Clunkers” program so to speed up the process most of them changed their the name to AIG auto dealer.

Politicians in Japan are not shaking hands on the campaign trail because they are afraid of the swine flu. Our politicians are braver, because during the swine flu epidemic they didn’t even stop having sex with some of their constituents.

Mexico decriminalized small amounts of marijuana, cocaine and heroin on Friday. Let’s see now who is the one that wants to jump that wall.

A teacher charged with having a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old male student paid her victim $1,500 after the encounters. And you know that parents all over the country are going to send their kids to school with extra cologne and new clothes to see if they can make some money on the side.

Taliban militants cut off the ink-stained fingers of two Afghan voters in the militant south during the presidential election. Fortunately they both can vote 9 more times.

Michelle Obama wants set up a farmers market just outside the White House. It is perfect idea, because they can use as a fertilizer all the manure the White House has been producing for years.

The White House asked the media to let the Obama girls enjoy their vacation. Apparently that message was directly sent to that 11-year-old reporter, that won’t stop calling Malia.

More than 3,000 donkeys were used to deliver voting ballots in Afghanistan. Unlike the US where we use the donkeys to count the votes.

Lindsay Lohan got robbed during the weekend. This is not the first time it happened to her, cocaine stole 20 years of her life.

Yesterday was National Go Topless Day. I wasn’t impressed; I get to see boobs all the time, I work in congress.

According to the New York Post, Bernie Madoff has cancer. Apparently it was discovered by an inmate while doing Madoff’s daily prostate exam.

Elizabeth Edwards, John Edwards’ wife, has opened a furniture store. If I were John I would be concerned, because she was selling all the couches of the house, where is he going to sleep now?

Elizabeth Edwards, John Edwards’ wife, has opened a furniture store. John is in charge of the bed sales and of course to test them.

Elizabeth Edwards, John Edwards’ wife, has opened a furniture store. She can sell a lot of baby furniture to his husband’s “friends”.

Life expectancy in the United States rose to an all-time high - nearly 78 years. Unfortunately 78 is the average for retirement

A swimmer who claimed he drunk two bottles of wine a day swum across the world's most dangerous river, the Amazon. Apparently only drunk you would dare swim across the Amazon.