August 18th 2009

I don’t want to say Obama is mad at the blue dog Democrats, but today he set up a meeting between them and Michael Vick…

"Reader's Digest" is filing for bankruptcy. That’s hard to digest…. Sorry…

Rep. Michele Bachmann said that she’ll run for president if God calls her to it. You can’t imagine how many comedians will call her today pretending to be God, so they have material to pay their mortgage.

Hurricane Bill revved up quickly as it headed toward Bermuda on Monday. Bermuda officials warned chubby women to be careful and run for cover because Bill is coming.

Explorers discovered a new species of giant rat-eating carnivorous plant. Please get some seeds and let’s grow a bunch in congress.

A hotel in Southern California is offering rooms for $19 with toilet paper, towels or air-conditioning. Did Motel 6 just open there?

A woman in Tunisia is pregnant with twelve babies. And today Nike just opened a branch inside her womb.

A woman in Tunisia is pregnant with twelve babies. She got offered a show ala Jon & Kate plus 8 because TLC would love to have 4 babies to spare.

A woman in Tunisia is pregnant with twelve babies. It is not going to be that difficult to maintain the family, by the time they are done pulling out the last baby, the first is going to be graduated and working already.

Ashton Kutcher's newest film, Spread, had a dismal opening this weekend. Apparently, people don’t care much about him if he uses more than 140 characters in a dialogue.

Ashton Kutcher's newest film, Spread, had a dismal opening this weekend. But just because people thought the one spreading was Demi Moore.

Tony Romo reportedly split with Jessica Simpson over her excessive drinking. Apparently, she never understood that alcohol makes chubby women more attractive but when the guy drinks it, not when they do.

A DJ was beat up for playing the Pet Shop Boys at a Muslim wedding in Israel. Who can’t blame them?

People for the Ethical treatment of Animals sent tons of toilet paper to Cuba Friday to help Cuba with its emergency shortage. Shouldn’t we send food first, so they have a reason to use the toilet paper?

Former President Bill Clinton visited the White House for one hour on Tuesday. Obama wanted to thank him so he let him use the Oval Office to have his way with the Asian reporters.

Obama met with former President Bill Clinton on Tuesday. Apparently after Bill wanted to organize a beer summit between he and Hillary to see if can help their relationship.