October 29th 2009

Kate Gosselin says she'd "love to be in a movie at some point." She would have been perfect in the movie Amelia, but in her case people would have rooted for her to get lost.

President Bush made his debut as a motivational speaker this week. It motivated a lot of people to become president, because if Bush could, everybody can.

A woman in Georgia scared off a burglar by getting on the floor and acting like a large dog. Unfortunately the other thief had a stick, tossed it while screaming: “catch it” and then ransacked the house.

Football analyst Bob Griese was suspended for making a racial comment about Juan Pablo Montoya. Not everything was bad news for Griese; CNN hired him to fill in for Lou Dobbs.

While presenting a trophy at a London Hotel, Amy Winehouse had a wardrobe malfunction. People got a look at her new boobs, and like always she also showed her crack.

A woman in Philadelphia was arrested for offering sex in exchange for World Series tickets on craigslist. I know the tickets are expensive, but… come on A-Rod; get Kate Hudson some tickets.

A woman in Philadelphia was arrested for offering sex in exchange for World Series tickets on craigslist. What’s wrong in exchanging a seat for a seat?

A woman in Philadelphia was arrested for offering sex in exchange for World Series tickets on craigslist. Judging by her looks, she’d be lucky if she gets outfield tickets.

A woman in Philadelphia was arrested for offering sex in exchange for World Series tickets on craigslist. Police should let her go, because that would be the only chance someone from Philly would get to score during this series.

International wildlife experts said Tuesday that the world's tiger population is declining fast despite efforts to save them. This is really sad news, unless of course you are Roy Horn.
A new study found that oral herpes could lead to Alzheimer’s. No wonder Paris Hilton has such a hard time remembering the lyrics of her songs.

A new study found that oral herpes could lead to Alzheimer’s. How convenient; now when your wife asks you how you got it, you claim you can’t remember.
A new study found that oral herpes could lead to Alzheimer’s. I always knew my grandpa was a player!