Wednesday, October 14, 2009

October 14th 2009

Whitney Houston and Amy Winehouse will perform together this week on the British talent show "The X Factor". Organizers expect long lines… and also lots of people waiting outside.

Rush Limbaugh will be a judge in the 2010 Miss America pageant. It’ll be easy to get his vote; just trash Obama during the talent portion of the event.

Michael Jackson's single "This Is It" is streaming online. “Believe me, it won’t just be it,” said Tito and Jermaine and La Toya and Joe and…

Paul Anka is getting 50% of the royalties of the new Michael Jackson song: “This is it.” “Yeah, wait in line you sucker,” said Jermane, Tito, La Toya, Joe…

Michael Jackson returned to the airwaves Monday with a new song called “This is it.” I don’t want to say it sucks, but thank God this is just it.

The White House Communications Director declared war to Fox News. And so far, Bill O’Reilly is the only one happy to go commando.

Hillary Clinton was in Russia yesterday discussing Iran's nuclear program. Bill did something similar; he visited a Russian bombshell at a strip joint.

Prosecutors are investigating claims that the former head chef and chief groundskeeper at the Oklahoma governor's mansion raped three female prison inmates assigned to work on the mansion's grounds. The governor says there’s nothing to be concerned about because it wasn’t rape rape.

Malaysia's eastern state of Terengganu is offering free honeymoons worth up to $440 each to rekindle the romance between married couples on the brink of divorce. The promotion seems to be working because I saw Letterman buying a book to learn Malaysian.

During a debate about Global Warming in Madison, Wisconsin, someone in the audience had his microphone cut off by the moderators when he tried to debate Al Gore. The audience reacted happily until they found Al Gore’s microphone was still on.

Homeland Security Secretary announced plans to convert hotels to detain some noncriminal immigrants. Because you know offering illegals free hotels is going to help deter illegal immigration!

Dina Lohan, Lindsay Lohan’s mom, asked the media to "leave Lindsay alone"! Just like she did when Lindsay was growing up.
Alex Rodriguez wants to play the Dodgers in finals. Apparently, he wants Kate Hudson to ask Manny Ramirez for tips on how to deal with hormonal changes now that she is pregnant.

Doctors say that a woman from Virginia born with half a brain is living a full life. The only downside is that she now behaves like a man.

Doctors say that a woman from Virginia born with half a brain is living a full life. She just beat Jessica Simpson playing checkers.

Rapper Master P. has announced plans to feed and clothe one million people. Apparently he is paying child support for all his illegitimate children.