October 7th 2009

According to CBS, Rush Limbaugh could become one of the owners of the St. Louis Rams. His maid immediately started to freak out; she can handle her boss’ oxycotin, but the steroids for every player would be too much.

According to CBS, Rush Limbaugh could become one of the owners of the St. Louis Rams. It’ll be a much more predictable team now; with Rush as an owner the team won’t have left tacklers.

According to CBS, Rush Limbaugh could become one of the owners of the St. Louis Rams. The NFL is not happy, but they have a weapon; if they start drug-testing ownership now, maybe it'll scare him out of the running.

Republicans celebrated when Rio de Janeiro was chosen to host the 2016 Olympics. Well, being that Brazil is so close to Argentina, they know that they can save a lot of money by crashing at Mark Sandfords’ mistress’ house.

Kate Gosselin said her kids were "wailing and sobbing" when she told them filming of the show had stopped. Apparently, that was the only chance they had to get water and food, when there was some filming crew around them.

Levi Johnston is doing a commercial for pistachios. I guess living with Sarah Palin’s family for a while makes you an expert on nuts.

David Letterman apologized to his staff during last night's taping of his show and said that he just wasn't thinking ahead. Apparently, he was just thinking of full intercourse.

David Letterman’s ratings are expected to be through the roof after he confessed he had sex with female staffers. My advice: if you’re a woman working for Conan, bring clean underwear.

A message in a bottle written by a Massachusetts woman in 2003 was found 3,000 miles away on the French coast. You see, twitter would have been a lot faster.

An Arizona man faces criminal charges for allegedly posing as a fertility doctor so he could sexually molest men while pretending to give them physical examinations. Fortunately for the guy, he won’t need to pretend he is a doctor in jail to get sperm donations.

Sarah Palin named her book "Going Rogue". Shouldn’t "Going Rouge" be a more appropriate name for Palin’s book?

Japanese Airlines is asking passengers to empty their bladders before boarding because passengers will weigh less, so their fleet of aircraft will save fuel and reduce their carbon emissions. What’s next? Are they going to require colonics or puking before boarding?

Deputies arrested a woman in LA for allegedly biting her boyfriend's tongue during an argument. When the police arrived, the guy was speechless.
According to a study, kids who eat candy every day are much more likely to become criminals when they grow up. The good thing is that they are very easy to catch; they cannot run fast being so fat.

A group led by Newt Gingrich accidentally honored a strip club owner as its "2009 entrepreneur of the year". The owner wasn’t shocked; they had already received several times the Clinton’s Award for the best strippers of the year.
Researchers are working on a vaccine to help cocaine abusers. The good thing is that the patients have experience and can administer the vaccine themselves.