September 28th 2009

Roman Polanski was finally arrested on that decades-old rape charge while in Switzerland to receive a prize for his life's work. You should have seen Polanski’s look on his face when Chris Hansen of “Catch a Predator” was the one handing him the award.

Roman Polanski was finally arrested on that decades-old rape charge while in Switzerland to receive a prize for his life's work. It makes you wonder if the Swiss would also offer Bin Laden a prize for his life's work.

An Al-Qaeda training manual confiscated by U.S. officials calls for the destruction of "places of amusement, immorality and sin". And today the CIA doubled the security in Congress.

Glenn Beck went back to his hometown of Mt. Vernon, Washington, to receive the key to the city. Obama fooled him, the key doesn’t work, they closed the door and now he is stuck in Mount Vernon forever.

A proposed law in L.A. would limit each household to one rooster. Another attempt in California to suppress gay marriage, banning two cocks in the same house.

A South African man walked four brides to the altar, marrying them at the same time to save money. “Why didn’t I think of that?” Said Larry King!

Cab drivers in Chicago want to impose a $50 fee to passengers that vomit. Well, maybe if they shower once in a while…

The mayor of Sheboygan, Wisconsin was taped drunk at a bar telling some people that his sister-in-law was great at giving oral sex. And today Bill Clinton bought a one-way ticket to Sheboygan.

Conan O'Brien hit his head during a stunt for the "Tonight Show," and couldn’t do Friday’s show. It was an accident said his co-host Andy, who left the show whistling and with some banana peels in his pocket.

Conan O'Brien hit his head during a stunt for the "Tonight Show." Conan cracked jokes during the ambulance ride to the hospital. And when he arrived, he didn’t have jus one bump on his head, but several.

The recession is over; there’s peace between Israel and Palestine; Republicans and Democrats agree on a Health Care plan… NBC ratings are huge… all that is possible… because, if the Detroit Lions can win a game, everything is possible.

The Detroit Lions snapped a 19-game losing streak beating the Washington Redskins… Once again Washington bailing out Detroit, huh!

The Detroit Lions snapped a 19-game losing streak beating the Washington Redskins. People celebrated all over the country, because that is where most people from Detroit live now, everywhere except Detroit.

President Obama has given 124 interviews so far, about three times as many to this point in his presidency as Presidents Bush and Clinton. Well, neither Bush nor Clinton was so desperate to leave the White House because your mother-in-law lives there…

Inmates in England used the hand sanitizers given by the government to protect them from H1N1 to get drunk. So, that’s why my friend would down two or three bottles of Purell every time he went to a restaurant saying that “I’d better drink it, nobody knows who touched the food.

Brett Favre threw a game-winning touchdown with two seconds left that gave the Vikings a 3 and 0 record. They are already talking Super bowl in Minnesota and even Favre as MVP, who requested that instead of going to Disneyland, he’d rather go to Florida.

A woman in New Jersey that has just turned 100 years old went to work on the day of her birthday. Well, you know, The View is not the same without Barbara.

A woman in New Jersey that has just turned 100 years old went to work on the day of her birthday. It is cute and all until you find out she works as a stripper.

Police arrested six women in Stamford for beating a 25-year-old woman following an argument over her bad karaoke performance. The six women were banned from ever entering a karaoke bar and a Britney Spears concert.

Muammar Qaddafi gave a long speech, filled with inappropriate comments at the UN convention. I think Fox News just found a safe replacement for Glen Beck!