September 18th 2009

Authorities in California arrested a man they said tried to trade his father's car for $50 worth of crack cocaine. Or as he called it: the crack for clunkers program.

Goldman Sachs' executives received huge bonuses this month. You have to have big “Sachs” to dare get bonuses after we saved your behind with our money.

The ratings of the first Leno show were huge, more than 18 million viewers. Unfortunately, the ratings were measured by the same people that said that there were 2 million protesting outside the Capitol last Saturday.

According to a new government study, nearly 8 million Americans contemplate suicide each year .Unfortunately, Kanye wasn’t on that list.

According to a new government study, nearly 8 million Americans contemplate suicide each year .Isn’t that a sign that we need to stop broadcasting The View?

Iran experts at the U.N. nuclear monitoring agency believe they are really close to making a bomb. Apparently, they just hired some executives from NBC.

Six in ten Americans worry about losing their jobs soon. The other four, really really soon.

Health officials in North Carolina are offering Wal-Mart gift cards to people who get tested for syphilis. Don’t they realize that that is where they found the dates that gave them the STD’s?

According to a recent study, British men are becoming increasingly interested in having their eyebrows professionally groomed. A smart trick… with nice eyebrows they want to distract people from looking at their teeth.

Bad grammar and spelling tripped up a man who was trying to steal Social Security numbers and other information from job-seekers by impersonating West Virginia's governor. If he had chosen Bush’s identity, the bad grammar wouldn’t have been a problem.