September 16th 2009

President Obama called Kanye West a jackass and even Joe Wilson screamed “You DON’T lie!”

President Obama called Kanye West a jackass. And today a very confused Al Sharpton hired a shrink because he doesn’t know what to do now.

President Obama called Kanye West a jackass. And today I spotted Glen Beck blasting some Kanye out of his car stereo.

A 68-year-old man in Missouri has been working at the same McDonald’s restaurant for the last 50 years. With all the fatty food he’s served, he’s helped more people died than Doctor Kevorkian.

Government scientists say that the number of feminized fish is growing rapidly. They arrived to that conclusion because there are more and more male fish getting stuck to the nets by their high heels and earrings.

Government scientists say that the number of intersex fish, or hermaphrodite fish, is growing rapidly. They are really hard to catch; they run as fast as South African sprinters.

Kanye West called and apologized to Taylor Swift after her appearance on "The View". He realized what a huge mistake he made because after being on The View, Taylor will be traumatized for life.

Donald Trump called Kanye West's behavior at the VMAs disgusting. But then invited him to judge the next Miss America contest.

Senators plan to introduce what they hope will be a final health care reform proposal. Finally! I need it now because I’m already sick of all this.

State and local tourism officials in South Carolina are being flooded by e-mails and calls from people across the country who say they won't vacation there because they are upset by Rep. Joe Wilson's outburst at President Obama. Even the governor is upset; why do you think he vacations in Argentina.

The Jersey City school district will require kids to sanitize their hands many times a day. You know teachers don’t want to catch any diseases…

The Jersey City school district will require kids to sanitize their hands many times a day. No news yet about sanitizing New Jersey.

A team of scientists at the University of California, Riverside has found that even second-hand tobacco smoke exposure can result in liver disease. So I should be ok if I don’t drink next to a smoker then.

A new study in the UK has found that the average woman spends about 416 hours of her life digging through her purse searching for her keys, but only seconds to find their pepper spray. And I know that out of experience.

The number of teens on social networking sites dropped for the first time ever. But thanks to the cash for clunkers program most pervs bought new vans so they can meet them at the parks.

A travel company for single people is organizing the first-ever international cougar cruise. It is perfect for ladies who have a taste for 18-year-old meat, both at the buffet and on the lido deck.

President Obama called Kanye West a jackass. But you know that the jerk of Kanye is going to sample Obama, use it in his next song and make a fortune out of it.