November 4th 2009

Jessica Simpson said in a magazine that she loves intellectual men. Don’t feel discouraged; for Jessica, an intellectual man is someone like President Bush.

The official that decided to kick off the 2-year-old kid of a Southwest Airline might be disciplined by the company. Apparently, they are mad at him because he didn’t see the business opportunity to charge more for tickets located far away from the kid.

Kate Gosselin was ticketed for going 70 miles an hour in a 55-mile-an-hour zone. Apparently, she was speeding because she doesn’t want to miss the last seconds of her 15 minutes of fame.

Everybody is surprised because an American man won the New York City Marathon on Sunday. They shouldn’t be surprised; it is a clear sign that we’re becoming a third world country.

Mattel is coming out with a new gay Ken doll. How disappointed and bored is he going to be when he finds out that the original Ken doll doesn’t have anything under his clothes.

During an NBA game, Spurs player Manu Ginobili, swatted a bat out of the air with his bare hand and then handed it to a security personnel. “Woosy… he didn’t even bite it,” said Ozzy.

During an NBA game, Spurs player Manu Ginobili, swatted a bat out of the air with his bare hand and then handed it to a security personnel. And now PETA wants him charged with assault and BATtery.

NBA player Manu Ginobili had to be vaccinated for rabies. No, it wasn’t because he caught a bat during a game. Apparently, he shook hands with Lou Dobbs.

Some people at the White House say that Obama looks skinny because he’s skipping too many meals to run the country. And also because you know how difficult is it to find food tasters every single day?

Some people at the White House say that Obama looks skinny because he’s skipping too many meals to run the country. How ironic, the way he is running the country is making a lot of people skip several meals too.

The ABC affiliate in Washington is airing a special about breast self-exams during the fall "sweeps" period. It works for Fox News; they get huge ratings showing big boobs like Hannity and Glen Beck…

The U.S. dropped from sixth to ninth on this year's list of the most prosperous countries in the world. Things are not likely to change because when experts at the White House were asked about the drop, they giggled and said “Ha, from Six to Nine!!”

A company that is opening the first hotel in space says they already rented their first room for 2012. The room cost $4.4 million, but Republicans are willing to spend anything to hide Sarah Palin on Election Day.

The FAA has revoked the licenses of the pilots of the Northwest Airlines flight that overshot the Minneapolis Airport. They are not worried; they know they are going to make lots of money as cab drivers.