November 5th 2009

A PGA golfer has tested positive for steroids. Authorities suspected there was something weird with him after he started using the golf club as a bat.

Today is the first anniversary of Obama’s presidency. It is weird; the only ones I saw celebrating last night were Republicans.

Some people at the White House say that Obama looks skinny because he’s skipping too many meals to run the country. He lost more than 40lbs… sorry; those are the points he lost in his approval ratings.

A picture of a very skinny Obama surfaced the web yesterday. It is nothing to be concerned; it was retouched by Ralph Lauren.

A picture of a very skinny Obama surfaced the web yesterday. Doctors suggested he should stop having lunch with Oprah.

A picture of a very skinny Obama surfaced the web yesterday. And today Republicans say that this is clear evidence he wasn’t born in this country.

Two terrorists in northern India were killed by a bear when they hid in its cave. And today Obama deployed Yogi Bear and Smokey the bear to Afghanistan.

New Zealand mayor provoked outrage by suggesting that government should pay 'problem parents' not to have children. If that includes Octomom and Jon & Kate, I’m willing to cheap in…

A man in Colorado stabbed himself just so he wouldn't have to go to work at blockbuster. I hope it catches on and the guy that recommended me “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” at my neighborhood Blockbuster does the same.

A Minneapolis woman will give birth to her first baby live on the internet. I have AOL. My connection is so slow, by the time I’m done with the delivery, the baby is going to be 5 years old.

A giant crack in Africa will create a new ocean. And today a confused Amy Winehouse bought tickets to Africa.

According to a recent study, almost 700 million people worldwide would move to another country. Still none of them is willing to go to Detroit.

Usain Bolt, the world's fastest man, adopted the world's fastest cat, a cheetah, as part of a conservation effort. And also as a training tool, as every morning he marinates his body and lets the cheetah chase him.

A man in England claims that he is allergic to his wife and breaks out in a rash whenever he goes near her. The disease is known in the medical arena as Clintonitis.

NASA will expose monkeys to daily radiation in order to better understand the effects of long space trips on humans. I can’t wait to see them throwing glowing poo at each other.

Virgin Atlantic launched an iPhone application to help people with fear of flying. It is called I-drink.

During an interview, Rhianna said that after she was assaulted by Chris Brown, she went to sleep as Rhianna and woke up as Britney Spears. Apparently, the beating affected her vocal chords.